Topic: Favorite TV quotes

[RomeoSvengali]

Sledge Hammer!
"Hammer, you can't defuse that bomb."
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
"Hammeeerrrrrrr!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGoU7urNTbI

[RomeoSvengali]

Duckman
Hill o' beans de-caff. Because coffee without the caffine...

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...is like sex without the costumes...

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...and remember, happy time pure sucrose breakfast cereal gives you that...

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...large tumor-like growth on the wall of your stomach.

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But for cleaner, brighter, fluffier sheets...

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...tonight's episode "The Klan"...

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...have you ever seen anything so white?

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The All-Sports Network.

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The All-News Network.

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The All-Potato-Cakes Network.

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The Mismatched Buddy Comedy Network.

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The Roadkill Identification Network.

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The Let's Talk In Pig Latin Network.

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The Skin Disease Network.

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The Vacuum Cleaner Bag Network.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG-XctZW63k

[RomeoSvengali]

The Critic - Nightmare Before Hanukkah
"Excuse me, is this Hanukkah town?"
"No, it's the Vatican and I'm Pope Schlomo, Oy!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-gCZQcZMLw

[RomeoSvengali]

The Simpsons
"You call that a knife? This is a knife! Ohhoh, down I go"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO2t6LO9oLI

[RomeoSvengali]

SNL
"Sir, do you realize that you are not drinking regular coffee, but Colombian decaffeinated coffee crystals?"
"What?"
"I said, you are drinking Colombian decaf coffee crystals."
"... Why... you... son of a b***h! You no-good... damn... son of a B***h! You LIED to me!! You told me this was REGULAR COFFEE!! Shut your YAPPER!!"

"Now, live from Shreveport, Louisiana, via international satellite hookup, the victim of that hidden camera commercial, Michael Huff. Mr. Huff, how do feel about your experience on hidden camera?"
"An-gryyy."
"Thank you. And thank you from Swedish Television. Good night!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tg5aVzSDme4

[RomeoSvengali]

Folgers Coffee
"The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBDWKOONdto

I like Redlettermedia's version better

"The best part of waking up, is acid in your cup!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZqv9Uyy_IQ

[RomeoSvengali]

Simpsons
"This is Bronson Missouri."
"Hey ma! How 'bout some cookies?"
"No dice."
"dis ain't over."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bt4Ly9_9Qg

[RomeoSvengali]

House
"I just want to die with a little dignity."
"There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUu14cVV2sU

[RomeoSvengali]

SNL
"And a recent study indicates that cellular phone users may be more likely to develop brain tumors. The problem has gotten very little public attention however, since most people don't care if people who use cellular phones die."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDY5doV1UBw

[RomeoSvengali]

Star Trek Voyager
"There's a story I heard as a child, a parable, and I never forgot it: A scorpion was walking along the bank of a river, wondering how to get to the other side. Suddenly he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him on his back across the river. The fox said, "No. If I do that, you'll sting me, and I'll drown." The scorpion assured him, "If I did that, we'd both drown." So the fox thought about it, finally agreed. So the scorpion climbed up on his back, and the fox began to swim. But halfway across the river, the scorpion stung him. As the poison filled his veins, the fox turned to the scorpion and said, "Why did you do that? Now you'll drown too." "I couldn't help it," said the scorpion. "It's my nature."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2p8o77xJEI

[RomeoSvengali]

DELETED

[RomeoSvengali]

Liquid Television: Winter Steele
"I'm gonna find you Crow Dickerson and when I do I'm either gonna love you as hard as this biker chick can or do a wheelie on your face till you die screaming you son of a b***h!"

"Girl, you ain't worth my boys pee pee bag, if you can't drink this old lady under a table."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn3fNoX1nbo

"Simon says put hands behind your head and take three giant steps to hell!"
"Hey don't take my stuff, I'm due at a convention in a couple of hours."
"Good thing your wearing your party dress then ain't it."

"Can you park this hog as careful as you shave your mother's face with a straight razor?"

"She's a white trash Valkyrie, straight from the edge of ruin! I love her!"
"We think your look blows doors girlfriend."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m4tO0mpXM8

[RomeoSvengali]

Liquid Television: Psycho Gram
"Dear mum: Lost my virginity as per the instructions. At last I was ready for the sex change. I joined an order of military nuns... and poisoned half of them."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYyY0PTEEoI

"Dear mum: The surviving sisters have come after me. Fortunately I saw them coming and made a fast getaway. They turned my place upside down and they're holding my precious Pierre hostage."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-RtYumbeGU

"Dear mum: Received a hot piece of information. They were holding Pierre hostage in an underground bunker. Brought the goods to the required location, but Pierre was never seen again."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huG2ndEF75Q

[RomeoSvengali]

Liquid Television: Brad Dharma: Psychedelic Detective
"Exterminator, any problems with roaches mama?"
"You'll never take me alive!"
"I never said I was going to."
"Welcome to Timbuktu. There are 30 million names in the Naked City. I can only pronounce half of them."

"The case I was working on stared like any other, atmospheric lightning, rain slick streets, obligatory voice overs."
"And you're bean sprouts will live happily ever after."
"Hey man, what are you, a caffeine freak?"
"No, I'm the fuzz."
"Oh great, what are gonna do, beat us up or something?"
"Yes. Comics code, I've got orders. I punched out there leader for no particular reason, before taking on the other two. Before I could pull myself together, there leader made a break for it. I decided to give him another shot at reincarnation... have a nice trip."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGKcM1bXlXA

[RomeoSvengali]

Duckman
"Bunch of thin-skinned, no-humor pansies! You tell them an ice-breaker or two about women's libbers, gays, environmentalists, several minorities, the homeless, couple of religions, anorexics, obese people, the handicapped, old farts, baldness, and people who walk real goofy because they've just had a vasectomy, and suddenly, they get all sensitive, like I offended one of them or something!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LJBPHaNXGs