GambitGuild
Bourbon Street => Media - TV, Movies, Music, and Games => TV Shows => Topic started by: RomeoSvengali on October 19, 2013, 02:26:53 AM
-
There are quotes from my favorite TV shows that I want to list and so they should really be here in the TV Shows section.
Star Trek: TNG: Future Imperfect
"We're on the edge of the Neutral Zone on impulse power, and you're not concerned?"
"I'll have the engines back on line in no time."
"Like you tracked down that faulty processing accelerator?"
"I'm running a Level One diagnostic!"
"For thirty hours? That would never taken you more than four. You're incapable of that level of incompetence, Mr. La Forge!"
"Worf, where did you get that scar?"
"In combat."
"What battle? When? Which sector? Which unit?"
"Mr. Data, if we left immediately, when would we arrive at Outpost Twenty Three?"
"At Warp One, in three days, four hours..."
"How about at Warp Seven? At Warp Eight? At Warp Nine? What's the matter, Data? What happened to all those millions of calculations per second?"
"Pardon me, sir... I am experiencing subspace interference which limits my abilities. I can't operate as quickly as..."
"What did you say?"
"I said I cannot operate--"
"No. That's not what you said. You said "I can't", you used a contraction, didn't you?"
"Sir, I can explain if you just give me a moment--"
"No you can't. Don't even try!"
"Captain, perhaps it would be best if we discussed this--"
"Shut up!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said shut up, as in close your mouth, and stop talking."
"Will, I sense how upset you are. You're angry, impatient--"
"Deanna, back off. Well... would anyone else like to speak up! Or shall we end this charade?"
"As you wish, Commander Riker. The charade is over."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmvMfhHyBRI
-
Seinfeld
"Hey Kramer, if I killed someone, would you turn me in?"
"Defiantly."
"Your kidding?"
"No, no I would turn you in."
"You would turn me in?"
"Zmmp! I wouldn't even think about it."
"I can't believe what I'm hearing, your suppose to be a friend of mine."
"Well what kind of person are you going around killing people?"
"Well I'm sure I had a good reason."
"Well if you kill this person, who's to say I wouldn't be next?"
"But you know me."
"I thought I did."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jWH46rYOUE
-
Frasier: How To Bury A Millionaire
"Oh dear, the sound of that rain is going to keep me up all night."
"I'm amazed you can hear it over there in mission control."
"Oh for god sakes Niles!"
"What the hell happen?"
"It's it obvious, you blew a fuse."
"You haven't seen anything yet!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnjt6AM1tog
"Oh, Niles it's magnificent."
"I don't want to adapt, I want to go home."
"Niles... you are home."
"Well, where are my manners, can I get you some toast?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgz_bg00OZ8
-
The Simpsons
"Hello, I would like the department of missing babies?"
"Please hold."
Baby come back, listen baby
You can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsulExJUP7Y
"I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp Five."
"And let me say, "May the Force be with you."
"Do you even know who I am?"
"I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?"
"A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on."
"Does anyone want to switch seats?"
"Krusty wants out!"
"No! The world needs laughter."
"Well, my work here is done."
"What do you mean your work is done? You didn't do anything."
"Didn't I?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuBdo5sj4oE
"Homer, there's man here who thinks he can help you?"
"Batman?"
"No, he's a scientist."
"Batman's a scientist?"
"It's not Batman!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2y0euGMhiM
-
LOST
I miss this show :'( Charlie was my favourite character.
Charlie Pace: I want you to give this to Claire for me...
Desmond Hume: What is it?
Charlie Pace: It's the five best moments of my... sorry excuse for a life..."My greatest hits"... You know... memories... they're all I've got...
-
"How did you DO that?"
"Wit style, petit. Wit style!"
"Everyone can relax...Gambit has returned!"
-
Seinfeld
"Who is this?"
"Uncle Leo?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=payDsNKcRKQ
"Just a salad. Just a salad. Just a salad."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XttdO1yipo
"Why did I put out 2! Why did I put out 2!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLMoc2WOwTQ
"Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service."
"Yes I am. I defy you to come up with a better name than Seven."
"Awright, let's see. How about Mug? Mug Costanza, that's original. Or uh, Ketchup? Pretty name for a girl."
"Alright, you having a good time here?"
"I got fifty right here in the cupboard. How about Bisquik? Pimento? Gherkin? Sauce? Maxwell House?"
"Awright already!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRUdaWZ4FN0
-
Carol Burnett Show
"There was a rumor going around the circus that… that dwarf and the elephant were lovers."
"You sure that little a**hole is through?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY
-
Sledge Hammer!
"I'll get a bullhorn and try talk him down."
"No, no, I can handle this."
"Hammer!"
"Another life saved... and I still have one bullet left. Listen my bank is just around the corner, can we stop and I'll get some cash... and then you can buy be breakfast."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pipr3nSTXY
-
The Simpsons
"Open wide for some soccer!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NK-gUXl7usc
-
Star Trek TOS
"And Uhura, whose name means freedom. She walks in beauty, like the night."
"That's not Spock."
"Are you surprised to find out that I've read Byron Doctor?"
"That's Spock."
"Mr. Spock, are you alright?"
"Yes, I believe no permanent damage was done."
"What happened?"
"The occipital area of my head seems to have impacted with the chair."
"No, Mister Spock. I meant what happened to us?"
"That Unit, is a woman."
"I can think of no one better equipped to handle it, Miss Uhura. Please proceed."
"No you have an answer, I'm an illogical woman who's beginning to feel too much a part of that communications console. Why don't you tell me what an attractive lady I am? Or ask if I've ever been love? Tell me how your planet Vulcan looks on a lazy evening when the moon is full?"
"Vulcan has no moon, Miss Uhura."
"I'm not surprised, Mister Spock."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK3Fc14xOu8
-
The Simpsons
"Call it, friendo."
"Heads! I mean Tails! I mean on it's side!"
"Well done. Now, let me validate your parking."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-nqOE3LV1Y
-
[Burns]Simpsons, eh?[Burns]
Homer: And you didn't think I'd make any money -- I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus.
Marge: While you were out earning that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. The plant called and said if you're not coming in tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday.
Homer: Woohoo--four-day weekend!
-
Frasier
"Hey, you know what kids really like? They've been advertising it like crazy on TV. It's great. The Outlaw Laser Robo Geek. Its head lights up and it shoots death rays out of its eyes.
Frasier glowers at him
"Yeah, a little like that!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzIl1u1YGKg
-
The Simpsons
"DANM FREAKIN NO GOOD MOTHER BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! CHEESE!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HM0Ye9kbihU
-
Whose line is it Anyway
Song Titles
"I'm leaving on a jet plane"
"Hello, is it you I'm looking for?"
"I'm mean Mr. Mustard"
"I'm the walrus"
"Benjy"
"Lady Madonna"
"Take me to the pilot"
"Who are you?"
"Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer"
"Walk this way"
"Hair"
"Time is on my side"
"Love is a many splendored thing"
"What's the love got to do with it"
"Mama said knock you out"
"Mama told me not to come"
"Mama play banjo"
"Papa's got a brand new bag"
"Funky town"
"You dropped the bomb on me"
"Baby you can drive my car"
"Word up"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7373FP-vrA
-
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry. I can't live knowing that Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who's he?"
"He's somebody!"
"What about me?"
"You're nobody."
"Why him? Why not me?"
"He's good, you're not."
"I'm better than him!"
"You're worse! Much, much, worse."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05wJaKtciH0
-
Mad TV
Terminator 3
"Enjoying the night air my brother?"
"Your robes, give them to me."
"I come bearing many gifts, but I assure you, my robes are not among them."
"What are you, some kind of wise guy?"
"Well, actually yes."
"What are you doing?"
"They were going to arrest you."
"I know."
"And crucify you."
"It's supposed to happen."
"What are you? A glutton for punishment?"
"Eat this!"
"You just don't get it, do you?"
"Stop! Stop killing Judas!"
"But he's going to betray you."
"I know! Look, look, I've got a lot on my mind right now, and you're really starting to stress me out, OK? OK?!"
"This Christmas, the meek shall inherit the action."
"Don't worry, he'll be back... what?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Djd72pOuQVU
-
The Simpsons
"I admit this, you better shut your big yap!"
"Oh you shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Shut up!"
"Shut up!"
"Why don't you BOTH SHUT UP!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLumK87nGxE
-
Sanford & Son
"I have the feeling of Christmas!"
"And the face of Halloween!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRJteQYIMcA
-
The Simpsons
"Lady, where's my spy camera?"
"Where's my Spy Camera?"
"Every day for the last six months..."
"Where is my Spy Camera, lady!?"
"Where's my Spy Camera? Where's my Spy Camera? Where's my Spy Camera?"
"Here's your stupid Spy Camera!!!"
"Oh... thanks ma'am!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBTYri2KGEE
-
LOST
I miss this show :'( Charlie was my favourite character.
Charlie Pace: I want you to give this to Claire for me...
Desmond Hume: What is it?
Charlie Pace: It's the five best moments of my... sorry excuse for a life..."My greatest hits"... You know... memories... they're all I've got...
*sniffle* Loved Lost (well...most of it) and Charlie and Claire were my favorite couple. I'm still mad she never got his list.
Phineas and Ferb
Doofenshmirtz: It's not the worst date I ever had. There was the one that kept stabbing me with the fork.
-
The Simpsons
"Can it out run the Flash?"
"You bet."
"Can Superman out run the Flash?"
"Eh, sure, why not."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVbHiFm99uM
-
Family Guy
"Yeah, like those two weeks you've spend narrating your own life."
"I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I never tell her how disgusted I was, with her cooking. But somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I began to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with, were now beginning to grow dull and listless with a long fatigue of a weary life... I awoke several hours later in a daze."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMRRNE5G6AI
-
The Pirates of Dark Water
"The alien world of Mer is being devoured by Dark Water. Only Ren, a young prince, can stop it, by finding the lost Thirteen Treasures of Rule. At his side is an unlikely but loyal crew of misfits; at his back, the evil pirate lord Bloth, who would stop at nothing to get the Treasures for himself. It's high adventure with The Pirates of Dark Water!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH_7SS534X8
-
He-Man
"He-Man and the Masters of the Universe!"
"I am Adam, prince of Eternia and defender of the secrets of Castle Greyskull. This is Cringer, my fearless friend. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, By the power of Greyskull! I Have The Power!"
"Cringer became the mighty Battle Cat, and I became He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe! Only three others share this secret — our friends, the Sorceress, Man-at-Arms, and Orko. Together we defend Castle Greyskull from the evil forces of Skeletor."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yeA7a0uS3A
-
The New Adventures of Zorro
"The mark of Zorro!" "Zorro!"
"As Don Diego, I pretend to be afraid. But with a mask as my disguise, I ride into the night, and raise my sword in the name of justice. For I am Zorro!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IUy8a2pC6c
-
Sleepy Hollow
*Crane receives a Christmas stocking*
"Oh...you've embroidered my name on some oversized hosiery....how....odd.."
"I told you to stay in the car!"
"Yes, but as you know I am insane, and therefore impervious to simple commands!"
*discussing how long he 'slept'*
"Two hundred and fifty years, huh? Civil War didn't wake you? Noisy neighbors to the south. Did you get up to pee? Don't know about you, but I'm getting up to pee every 75, 80 years."
"Are you quite finished? Because most of what you say is unintelligible gibberish to me. It's like watching a chicken cluck. And when did it become acceptable for ladies to wear trousers!?"
"Here I thought I'd actually awoken in the future and that my wife had been dead for 250 years. I'm glad that everything I'm seeing and hearing and touching is impossible, because that means it isn't actually happening. "
"I have orders to take you to a mental institution. "
"Excellent. This day continues to bear gifts."
*Crane hacks a tree-monster nearly to death with an ax*
"Give Moloch my regards."
*Chops tree-monster's head in*
-
Simpsons
"Sounds like someone's living in the past! Contemporize, man!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAGbQa9ZweU
-
Bunker Hill Bunny
"Ahoy there! Enemy ahoy!"
"What's up, Doc?"
"A rabbit? Ha ha ha ha! A rabbit."
"Yeah, Ha ha ha ha! A rabbit. And just who do you think you are?"
"I'm a Hessian, without no-o-o-o aggression! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em".
http://www.220.ro/desene-animate/Bugs-Bunny-Bunker-Hill-Bunny/GUAMyGzgiY/
-
Mad TV - Intensity
"Entertainment Weekly raves, “A++, there's still no cure for cancer, but at least there's Intensity."
"You transfer Colleges to obsess over a guy you don't even know? What the hell kind of premise for a show- I mean decision is that?"
"TV guide calls Intensity The only thing that matters on this planet, perhaps even the universe! It is truly more perfect than God."
"Time Magazine says cancel every show, burn every book, quit your job, Intensity is all that matters. Rolling Stone says If your children don’t like Intensity… kill them. Intensity on the WB. It's so good it should be on another Network."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTuVZ7VJ_SQ
-
Seinfeld
"Oh no, not now."
"Why is this happening? Please, make her stop!"
"This is brutal."
"How do you like that?"
"Can I turn now? Is this over? No, I can’t, I can't. I'm stuck."
"Thank you, Pamela!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8DHsgLTH7o (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8DHsgLTH7o)
-
Seinfeld
"It's good, but..."
"But what?"
"Ultimately I don't think they'll stay up."
"No, no! They'll stay up!"
"For a while, yes, but not in the long run."
"But that's why I got you the tighter ones!"
"Oh, forget about those! Why do you keep mentioning those?"
"What do you want!?"
"I want a decent sock that's comfortable, that will stay on my foot!!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMnNvjUOd3Y
-
MST3K - Hired! Part II
"I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me-"
Was Harry!
Ooh!
"I think I'm beginning to see what you mean."
I'm beginning to sober up and your scaring me.
"I wonder."
I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder!
Don't hit me!
Don't touch me!
We're gonna have leadership the way my old man told me! You, put a handkerchief on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves! You, rock on the porch all night!
"Jimmy I'll talk with you first"
Cause you've got the most problems
Meanwhile, Eliot Ness and his Untouchables head for a speak-easy in Berwyn!
But he bought the car!
"In fact we hope you buy your next 10 cars from us"
10 cars!?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKGJKF0t3Gs
-
Wile E. Coyote
"Acme Batman Outfits, guaranteed for the life of the user"
"Acme, the only Batman Outfits worn by bats"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFdIxE9tqO0
-
ABC Saturday morning bumpers
"After these messages we'll be right back!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vI0UcUxzrQ
CBS Muppet Babies Bumpers
"Muppet Babies will return after these messages"
"And now back to the Muppet Babies..." "YEAH!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIYYeBk8Fc4
-
Family Guy
"Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids"
"You share!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVp1QpuuRSU
-
Family Guy
"And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your p****"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0mcygLe8OA
"Get your fat ass back here"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwsNxrSnQ1Q
-
Simpsons
"Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!"
"Stupid sexy Flanders!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6vPQL_aYfI
-
Can I just say, like, every single word of Hannibal? :laugh:
*Will does his empathy-thing*
"This is my design."
*Hannibal and Jack are eating what Jack is told is 'rabbit'*
"He should've hopped faster."
*cut to a shot of a man running for his life*
"Yes, he should have."
*Jack comments that the meal Hannibal has made is so lovely he almost feels guilty eating it*
"I never feel guilty eating anything."
-
DELETE
-
Simpsons
"Now tell them what you saw Billy."
"But I'm so scared McGarnagle."
"You've gotta do this one for me Billy, McGarnagle."
"Okay, for you, McGarnagle."
"Well McGarnagle, Billy is dead! They slit his throat from ear to ear."
"Hey I'm trying to eat lunch here!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5TwOkuQCeE
-
The Real Ghostbusters
Peter: Who said what?
Egon: What?
Peter: Did you say "what"?
Egon: Peter, I'm trying to work.
Winston: Say what?
Egon: I didn't say "what".
Peter: Who did?
Winston: Did what?
Peter: Say "what"?
Winston: Man, I didn't say a word.
Peter: Yeah right. Then who did?
Peter: I withdraw the question!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhCpMbXw9yU
-
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987)
"Here's all the doe you'll get lawbreaker!"
"All lawbreakers must pay the price!"
"And for the icing on the cake!"
"Hold it sports fans!"
"Go ahead, make my night!"
"Trademark infringement? How low can ya get?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTiAM_Xnq3A
-
MST3K Money Talks
"Why is it that I always run out of money just when I need it?"
Why do I conk my hair?
"Why am I always broke?"
Maybe it's my crack habit.
"I don't get it"
Ah, the appeal of Adam Sandler.
"50 cents, half a dollar"
In those days that buy you car
"Benjamin Franklin eh"
Bite me, Franklin.
Why must I be a young Christopher Walken?
"Who's that?"
"Over here son"
Directly in front of you.
Just reach for the gun.
Could you have your slave press my suit.
"You must learn to mange your money"
"What money?"
Don't smart-mouth me, boy.
You can sell your body.
"Come on boy!"
Jump on my stomach.
"Suppose you look in this mirror and see what it tells you"
God, I'm fat.
"Something quite unheard of in my day"
Fathers?
"Maybe so, but I never have enough money when I need it"
"That's not because your poor earner William, it's because your a poor spender"
And a bad person.
"You spend your money as fast as you acquire it, with no thought for the future"
You idiot.
On behave of all girls, no one is going to the dance with you.
"I'm sorry Bill"
I'm going to have to break your legs.
You takin to me?
Bob's a better person than you are
"Everyday he went to the bank"
And robbed it.
But then he crashed his car and died.
Could you get your stomach off my desk?
"Keep"
Pretending to write.
Dead people have too much time on their hands.
Oh, and uh, kill your parents. Bye.
But it was too late, William filed chapter 11.
By the way, have you seen your mother lately?
"Take that budget of yours, dad"
And shove it.
Ok son, I will go to the dance with you.
See you next week son!
Benjamin Franklin was tried in the 8th circuit court on stalking charges. In a minute, the results of that trial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcP6cax9EOU
-
Sledge Hammer!
"Hammer, you can't defuse that bomb."
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
"Hammeeerrrrrrr!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGoU7urNTbI
-
Duckman
Hill o' beans de-caff. Because coffee without the caffine...
<channel changes>
...is like sex without the costumes...
<channel changes>
...and remember, happy time pure sucrose breakfast cereal gives you that...
<channel changes>
...large tumor-like growth on the wall of your stomach.
<channel changes>
But for cleaner, brighter, fluffier sheets...
<channel changes>
...tonight's episode "The Klan"...
<channel changes>
...have you ever seen anything so white?
<channel changes>
The All-Sports Network.
<channel changes>
The All-News Network.
<channel changes>
The All-Potato-Cakes Network.
<channel changes>
The Mismatched Buddy Comedy Network.
<channel changes>
The Roadkill Identification Network.
<channel changes>
The Let's Talk In Pig Latin Network.
<channel changes>
The Skin Disease Network.
<channel changes>
The Vacuum Cleaner Bag Network.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG-XctZW63k
-
The Critic - Nightmare Before Hanukkah
"Excuse me, is this Hanukkah town?"
"No, it's the Vatican and I'm Pope Schlomo, Oy!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-gCZQcZMLw
-
The Simpsons
"You call that a knife? This is a knife! Ohhoh, down I go"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO2t6LO9oLI
-
SNL
"Sir, do you realize that you are not drinking regular coffee, but Colombian decaffeinated coffee crystals?"
"What?"
"I said, you are drinking Colombian decaf coffee crystals."
"... Why... you... son of a b***h! You no-good... damn... son of a B***h! You LIED to me!! You told me this was REGULAR COFFEE!! Shut your YAPPER!!"
"Now, live from Shreveport, Louisiana, via international satellite hookup, the victim of that hidden camera commercial, Michael Huff. Mr. Huff, how do feel about your experience on hidden camera?"
"An-gryyy."
"Thank you. And thank you from Swedish Television. Good night!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tg5aVzSDme4
-
Folgers Coffee
"The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBDWKOONdto
I like Redlettermedia's version better
"The best part of waking up, is acid in your cup!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZqv9Uyy_IQ
-
Simpsons
"This is Bronson Missouri."
"Hey ma! How 'bout some cookies?"
"No dice."
"dis ain't over."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bt4Ly9_9Qg
-
House
"I just want to die with a little dignity."
"There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUu14cVV2sU
-
SNL
"And a recent study indicates that cellular phone users may be more likely to develop brain tumors. The problem has gotten very little public attention however, since most people don't care if people who use cellular phones die."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDY5doV1UBw
-
Star Trek Voyager
"There's a story I heard as a child, a parable, and I never forgot it: A scorpion was walking along the bank of a river, wondering how to get to the other side. Suddenly he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him on his back across the river. The fox said, "No. If I do that, you'll sting me, and I'll drown." The scorpion assured him, "If I did that, we'd both drown." So the fox thought about it, finally agreed. So the scorpion climbed up on his back, and the fox began to swim. But halfway across the river, the scorpion stung him. As the poison filled his veins, the fox turned to the scorpion and said, "Why did you do that? Now you'll drown too." "I couldn't help it," said the scorpion. "It's my nature."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2p8o77xJEI
-
DELETED
-
Liquid Television: Winter Steele
"I'm gonna find you Crow Dickerson and when I do I'm either gonna love you as hard as this biker chick can or do a wheelie on your face till you die screaming you son of a b***h!"
"Girl, you ain't worth my boys pee pee bag, if you can't drink this old lady under a table."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn3fNoX1nbo
"Simon says put hands behind your head and take three giant steps to hell!"
"Hey don't take my stuff, I'm due at a convention in a couple of hours."
"Good thing your wearing your party dress then ain't it."
"Can you park this hog as careful as you shave your mother's face with a straight razor?"
"She's a white trash Valkyrie, straight from the edge of ruin! I love her!"
"We think your look blows doors girlfriend."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m4tO0mpXM8
-
Liquid Television: Psycho Gram
"Dear mum: Lost my virginity as per the instructions. At last I was ready for the sex change. I joined an order of military nuns... and poisoned half of them."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYyY0PTEEoI
"Dear mum: The surviving sisters have come after me. Fortunately I saw them coming and made a fast getaway. They turned my place upside down and they're holding my precious Pierre hostage."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-RtYumbeGU
"Dear mum: Received a hot piece of information. They were holding Pierre hostage in an underground bunker. Brought the goods to the required location, but Pierre was never seen again."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huG2ndEF75Q
-
Liquid Television: Brad Dharma: Psychedelic Detective
"Exterminator, any problems with roaches mama?"
"You'll never take me alive!"
"I never said I was going to."
"Welcome to Timbuktu. There are 30 million names in the Naked City. I can only pronounce half of them."
"The case I was working on stared like any other, atmospheric lightning, rain slick streets, obligatory voice overs."
"And you're bean sprouts will live happily ever after."
"Hey man, what are you, a caffeine freak?"
"No, I'm the fuzz."
"Oh great, what are gonna do, beat us up or something?"
"Yes. Comics code, I've got orders. I punched out there leader for no particular reason, before taking on the other two. Before I could pull myself together, there leader made a break for it. I decided to give him another shot at reincarnation... have a nice trip."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGKcM1bXlXA
-
Duckman
"Bunch of thin-skinned, no-humor pansies! You tell them an ice-breaker or two about women's libbers, gays, environmentalists, several minorities, the homeless, couple of religions, anorexics, obese people, the handicapped, old farts, baldness, and people who walk real goofy because they've just had a vasectomy, and suddenly, they get all sensitive, like I offended one of them or something!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LJBPHaNXGs
-
Rocko's Modern Life
"You'll never be satisfied with a mortal woman, because the elf wenches are so beautiful, you'll spend the rest of your life searching for that same beauty again... (sniffs, eyes dilate) Yes."
"Wow... you're an idiot."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbdj17zNcgg
-
The Storyteller
"Across the kingdom of dreams, beyond the realm of imagination, lies a magical world where tales of fantasy and adventure come true. Jim Henson's The Storyteller."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3c-swyKsWnU
-
Family Guy
"Alright Brian, get ready to feel."
"I'm not following the story arc here."
"Shut up!"
"Don't worry, Brian, those goose bumps will go away in about 20 minutes."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNwSVNqIzXU
-
Family Guy
"The Phillies won."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfGBk3akzdY
-
Family Guy
"Any thoughts on the fight, Floyd?"
"I-I... I think that they are they're gonna have they are gonna be be fightin', D...Deidre's last fight in the contrast to the later one, is gonna be be-better than usually."
"And how do you think this helps her chances tonight?"
"Well, the match lastin' about up until the particular inaccuracy, particular unusually, that should be the ultimate determining factor in about the 12 round experience, heart of a champion, margarine hat."
"Well, we'll be watching for that. Well be checking in with you throughout the night, Floyd, and happy 23rd birthday."
"You're welcome."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1H0yAcHP_4
-
Family Guy
"Over the next 90 minutes I'd like to show you that all of your problems can be solved by my p***s."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAYKdDUWVjs
-
The Centurions
"In the near future Doc Terror, and his cyborg companion, Hacker, unleash their forces to conquer Earth! Only one force can stop this evil: a handful of brave men. In specially created Exo-Frames, they can be transported anywhere to fuse with incredible assault weapon systems, beamed down from the space station Skyvault, becoming man and machine, Power Xtreme!
Max Ray, brilliant Sea Operations commander.
Jake Rockwell, rugged Land Operations specialist.
Ace McCloud, daring Air Operations expert.
Whatever the challenge, they are ready—the Centurions!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lqo5mtONEA
-
Super Mario All Stars commercial
"He's back, he's here, he's Mario--no, he's the new and improved Mario in Super Mario All-Stars! So much Mario it's a Mario smorgasbord! It's all the wigged out Mario adventures you've ever played and then some! But this is juiced-up, 16-bit, only on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System Mario! So it's bigger Mario, better Mario, in-your-face Mario! It's Raccoon Mario, Mario throwing fireballs, Mario hurling turnips, Mario negotiating an arms deal--OK, maybe not."
"It's Mario like you've never seen him! What's 2+2? Mario! What's the capital of Ohio? Mario! You can only live, drink, eat, sleep, Mario! In Super Mario All-Stars, 4 complete Mario games, including the never-seen Lost Levels! You can't get more Mario than this, which is why... The Best Play Here!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8cR9KjAcAw
-
Diet Pepsi Max Super Bowl Ad Wake Up People Ginseng Caffe
"STOP IT!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9vk0Ofl1B0
-
The Simpsons
"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ti5AkLup1mI
-
Mighty Mouse, The New Adventures
"Here he comes, that Mighty Mouse
Coming to vanquish the foe with a mighty blow
So don't be afraid anymore
Cause things won't be like they've been before!
Here I come to save the day!
Thank goodness Mighty Mouse is on his way
So let the trumpet players play
For Mighty Mouse is here today!
Here he comes, that Mighty Mouse
Just like a bolt from the blue with a heart that's true
Fighting evil, fighting crime
And always there in the nick of time
Here he comes to save the day
And he will prove that crime will never pay
So let the trumpet players play
For Mighty Mouse is here today!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYpBoYa4pno
-
Long Ago and Far Away
"Off we go then."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6ypIoM0D4Q
"These days most stories go from here to here, of the mind of the writer, to the printed page. But long ago, most stories were never written down, they were only told out loud because most people didn't know how to read or write. These were stories to be told and remembered and retold generation after generation from time of memorial. Stories that are known today as fairytales, or legends, or epic pomes. Stories that didn't have one author, but hundreds, even thousands. Adding a detail here, or changing one there each time the tale was told. Svatohor is one of those stories, from the Russia of long ago. It is very old and very exciting and if you listen closely, you can hear the voice of the centuries."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVvWodDCbjM
-
The New Zorro
"When daggers are pointed at innocent hearts, and muskets are ready to fire... when tyrants ride high, and govern with fear, as the forces of evil conspire... then from out of the night, a hero must rise, with courage that even a mask won't diguise, they turn to... the man called Zorro! Zorro! One who's larger than life, and defender of all, is this man who the people aclaim. He's the one who strikes back, for the poor and opressed, a hero, who's name is Zorro! His name is Zorro!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxhud0q5FOE
-
The Storyteller
"When people told themselves their past with stories, explained their present with stories, foretold the future with stories, the best place by the fire was kept for... The Storyteller."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_oGqJllElw
-
Micro Machines
"The Micro Machines Man here, aircraft carry there, you can't have that, but you can have this. The new Micro Machine aircraft carrier playset. The dramatic excel trip triply replica of the real thing that holds 25 Micro Machines with fabulous fantasist features, 2 totally terrific element is real and working hostel runway and 2 cargo arms. The new Micro Machine aircraft carrier playset from Galoob. Remember if it doesn't say Micro Machines, it's not the real thing!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzbUPfoveok
-
The Simpsons
"Ladies and Gentlemen. To honor America will you please rise for our national anthem sung tonight by Springfield's R&B sensation, Bleeding Gums Murphy!"
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oh, say can you, I'm askin', can you seeeeee by the dawn's... ...and the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting shootout popping way in the air ...and the home of the brave!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7xixfoG8Ag
-
Seinfeld
"Ow! Ow! It say twist off! Twist off!... oh hi. Soap?"
"No thanks."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=590rXJIVCQc
-
Ren & Stimpy
"There's a new face in Hollywood today! It's fresh, it's redundant! Let's give him a warm welcome, because his whole career depends on this next important message!"
"Well, I've been-" (before he can finish, the microphone gets stuck in his nose)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN6dy9uV6bM
-
Mad TV - Heroin PM
"Heroin PM, the nighttime sniffling, shaking, tweaking, aching, crying, moaning, itching, hallucination, heart racing, blood burning, mind scrambling, speed freak fever so you can pass out medicine. Warning: May cause career in show business."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JawMQRSCRkU
-
Massengill Commercials
"Mom, do you ever feel... you know, not so fresh?"
"Sure, that's why I douche, but only with natural ingredients."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N91XsdrBqUY
"No more vinegar and water douches for me, there such a bother."
"Jane look, Massengill has a new vinegar and water disposable douche, it's convenient."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvJWJR8iqa0
-
Ayds Commercial
"Why not try Ayds? They work."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP_uiiRAZqs
-
M.A.S.K.
"Mask crusaders,
Working all the time, fighting crime, fighting crime!
Secret raiders, who will neutralise, as soon as they arrive,
Trekker's gonna lead the mission,
And Spectum's got such super vision,
M-m-m-MASK!
Is the mighty power that can save the day,
m-m-m-MASK!
No-one knows what lies behind their masquerades!
M-m-m-MASK!
Always riding on Venom's trail,
Come see the Laser Rays,
Fly away!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2Z1yLO9C-Q
-
Zack the Lego Maniac
"I know a boy, his name is Zack, He loves to fit, he loves to stack, yes construction is his knack, he's Zach the Lego Maniac. He builds in windows, he's off the wall, he builds em big, he builds 'em small. In LegoLand he'll rock and roll, he's Lego wild, out of control! It's Zach, Zach, he's a Lego Maniac! He's Zach, Zach, he's a Lego Maniac!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPiZ5872h1E
I wonder what happen to Zack?
"His Grandma's house is where he stays. It's been 10 years since he's been laid. At 35, his world's a wreck, collecting unemployment checks. He's still obsessed with Lego, see? It gets much dark in therapy. He checks his list off every day of bullies he will blow away. Zack, Zack, he's a psycho maniac. Zack, Zack, he--"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4d80bS7G54
-
Beavis and Butt-Head
"You must let go, if you are rooted in the Tao, the force of the Earth will support you."
"Yeah but like, when are we going to kick some ass? Hehehe, yeah."
"Patience, my son. Have you forgotten your lessons so quickly?"
"But master, does not the fire need the water, too? Hehehe! Does not the mountain need the storm? Does not your scrotum need kicking? Hiya! Hehehe! Yeah, hehehe!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXADonW6H5g
-
Golden Girls
"Let's try it now with Dorothy... Dorothy, Dorothy, Bo Borothy, Banana Fanna Fo Forothy, Me My Mo Morothy.
(the cars screeches to a halt, the car door opens)
"... Get out, Rose."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chesx1mLiFk
-
The Simpsons
"You know I think you're right, first thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtIUSEEZgBI
-
'Beavis and Butthead' as David Letterman and Paul Shaffer
"Hehehe! This is cool, hehehe! So like uh... say hello to our good friend Beavis."
"Yeah, hehehe! Yeah, hehehe!"
"So like this is our uh, top 10 list, from are home office in Butt, Montana."
(the pencil Butthead keeps tapping on flies out of his hand and into Beavis's left eye)
"Hehehe! That was cool! Hehehe! Hehehehe!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAX_V8e2R3g
-
The Simpsons
"Sugar, do do do do do du, oh honey, honey, do do do do do du, you are mine"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JCtl0yLKYs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U5CHd1DBm4
"Good morning star sine, the Earth says hello!"
"You twinkle above us, we twinkle below!"
"Good morning, star shine, you lead us along!"
-
In Living Color
"Are we here to raise money for the starving children of Acafra again?"
"No Ray."
"Oh, then are we helping out the homeless?"
"Not exactly."
"Ray we are here for the most important cause of all, our careers!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQLhOXlGnRE
-
A Pack of Gifts Now
"This is the 12th day of Christmas
My yuletide friend
You better not pout
Or cry my friend"
"Saskatchewan... s**t, I'm still in Saskatchewan. Waiting for a mission... for Christmas they gave me one... and when it was over... I'd never want another."
"One thing's for sure... Tai Chi and eggnog don't mix."
"I dream... I dream of a white Christmas, I shake and I shake all night like a bowl full of jelly. That's my dream, that's my nightmare."
"Terminate... the Kringle?"
"Terminate with extreme prejudice."
"And have yourself a merry little Christmas."
"I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead... adored by children all over the world. The more I read about him, the more I admired him. He could have made millions, but he went for the kids instead."
"I told you not to stop the sled."
"There was a trail of broken toys snaking like a circuit cable plugged right into Santa. He was close, I could smell the cookies. But by the time we got to Santa's village, it was crystal clear, their chestnuts were completely roasted."
"I got stuck in a chimney one year and I had a vision, a vision of a train with square wheels, of a cowboy who rides an ostrich. And I wept."
"You're neither, you're a naughty boy who's going to get a stocking full of coals."
"The horror, the ho ho horror"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxvDMWRG-gQ
-
The Simpsons
"Grasping the child firmly in his talons, Socrates here will fly him to safety, just watch... I don't think he's coming back."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPVKaBGmxUs
-
Seinfeld
"Oh that Michael I hate him, he's just so smug."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NSopgvamYY
-
Seinfeld's Meeting With Crackle Prez Gets Tense
"You know, I just put the finishing touches on Season 5, it really looks great."
"Jerry, Crackle is dead."
"What?"
"Yeah, it's over. We can't make it work."
"But I thought-"
"Let me tell you what we're dealing with. It's snap and pop."
"I'm sorry?"
"Jerry, you've heard of Netflix and Hulu?"
"Oh sure, they're very popular."
"Well we're not! It's because we're being held down by Snap and Pop! Now either we eliminate them orrrrrrrr we go down with them!"
"I'm sorry are we talking about the cartoon characters on front of the cereal box?"
"Yeah, his whole business is virtual, it's all digital, it's video games, everything's streaming! There's nothing real here!"
"I'm very confused, what is it that you want?"
"I want them out, I want them done."
"There animated.'
"There dead."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Jerry, Crackle has no money, everything we had we gave to you, for this ridiculous driving around doing nothing show."
"Well we get coffee."
"Whatever it is, it's half the budget. We're spending 10,000 dollars on Cremora! What the hell are you doing out there man!"
"I thought you said you liked shown?"
"Can we move on!"
"Seinfeld spend 100,000 dollars on coffee! He's a crook! Where's my sandwich?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv9XmP_9hNE
-
MTV Movie Awards Reloaded
"Is there an echo in here? The MTV Movie Awards are a systemic anomaly inherent to the programming of the Matrix. Although the transport process has altered your consciousness, you irrevocably remain human. Ergo, concordantly, vis-a-vis... you know what, I have no idea what the hell I'm saying, I just thought it would make me sound cool."
"You haven't answered my question."
"I'm feeling a little vulnerable right now, so you just need to chill out. Can you do that? I appreciate that. Thank you. Now originally Neo was the chosen one to host the show, but hosting is a full time commitment and he's been a little distracted lately."
"Trinity."
"See what I'm talking about?"
'Bulls***!"
"Watch the sass, captain sassy pants."
"You haven't answered my question."
"Yes I did. You see what I..."
"You haven't answered my--"
"I'm trying, you just need to let me talk."
"Why am I here?"
"Would you shut up!"
"You won't let it--"
NO YOU WON'T LET IT! I'M THE ONE WHO TALKS! KEEP MOUTH SHUT! EARS OPEN!
"You haven't ans--"
"You do not want to see me get out of this chair! ERGO, OPEN YOUR YAPPER ONE MORE TIME AND I'M GONNA ARCHITECT A WORLD OF PAIN ALL OVER YOUR CANDY ASS! ERGO! VIS-A-VIS!CONCORDANTLY!"
"If I were you..."
"Bite your tongue. Bite it!"
"I would hope that we don't meet again."
"Why'd you say that. I told you to shut up. I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x82rX-TGIBU
-
Bananaman
"This is 29 Accacia Road, and this is Eric the schoolboy who leads an amazing double life. For when Eric eats a banana an amazing transformation occurs. Eric is Bananaman! Ever alert for the call to action!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO7GlkMOkFA
-
Danger Mouse
"He's the greatest
He's fantastic
Wherever there's danger he'll be there
He's the ace
He's amazing
He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best
Danger Mouse
Danger Mouse
DANGER MOUSE!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wv43hKSzBws
-
Duckula
"Castle Duckula, home for many centuries to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire ducks: the Counts of Duckula! Legend has it that these foul beings can be destroyed by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight. This does not suffice however, for they may be brought back to life by means of a secret rite that can be performed once a century when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius. However, the latest reincarnation did not run according to plan."
"In the heart of Transylvania
In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah
There's not a vampire zanier than
DUCKULA!
He won't bite beast or man
'Cos he's a vegetarian
And things never run to plan for
DUCKULA!
If you're lookin' for some fun
You can always count upon
The wild and wacky one they call
DUCKULA!"
"Heh, heh! COUNT Duckula! Heh, heh, heh!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9ZVWMPuZ2c
-
Simpsons
"You know what you could do, Apu?"
"Yeah, shut up."
"You could fake your own death."
"Oh, would you shut up?"
"All you need is a car bomb and--"
"I can't believe you don't shut up!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbcE9BXZNfk
-
Simpsons
"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vxHkAQRQUQ
-
Sledge Hammer!
"Hippies did this?!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGhzQNgZHFU
-
SNL
"Soylent Green is made of people! People!"
"Soylent White is made out of people! It's made out of people!"
"Soylent Cow Pies are people! They're people!!"
"Soylent Green is still made out of people! They didn't change the recipe like they said they were going to! It's still people!!"
http://www.joblo.com/videos/movie-hotties/snl-sketch-soylent-green
-
Mcbain
"Senator Mendoza is one of the most respected citizens in this state, McBain, and yet you ran his limo off a cliff, broke the necks of three of his bodyguards, and drove a bus through his front door!"
"But captain, I have proof that he's head of an international drug cartel!"
"I don't want to hear it, McBain! You're out of here" [McBain punches the captain through the window and into a fountain]
"That makes two of us!"
"Damn! Damn! Damn! Mcbain."
"Yes."
"I'm not gonna make it."
"Oh stop talking crazy."
"No, no, no, no, no, just do one thing for me... get... Mendoza."
"MENDOZA!!!"
"I can't avenge my partner's death with this pee shooter."
"I don't want to hear it Mcbain, that, that canon of yours is against regulations! In this department we go by the book."
"Bye book."
"Swank, 10 times more addictive than marijuana!"
"Ice to see you!"
"Mcbain!"
"Anymore new business?"
"Only you're death!"
"Mcbain!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vyANa71gvU
-
Radioactive Man: The Movie
"Looks like we're in trouble Fallout Boy."
"Jiminy Jillikers Radioactive Man!"
"We'll have to fight our way out, are you ready?"
"... Yes."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZcPymyjUL0
"Seamless."
"You're fired."
"And with good cause!"
-
The Simpsons
"As Roger Meyers Jr, the owner of the park, I'd like to thank you for stopping the killer robots. And to show my appreciation, here are two free passes."
"But there are five of us."
"Here are two free passes!"
"That's better."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5SBzDI5tbg
-
Liquid Television: What Up Dog?
"You see, I just got this new pit bull terrier
The thing's better than a credit card
Went to the gas station the other day
Got a couple gallons of gas
Some oil, spark plugs, six-pack
The man says "That'll be fifteen forty-one"
I, I say "Well, goddamn, I forgot my wallet
But I did bring my credit card."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QF-TK3W4lI
-
Liquid Television
"Hello dad, I'm in jail
Hi dad, I'm calling you from jail
Hi dad, happy birthday, I'm in jail
Jail, jail, hi dad
All those years, I'm in jail now
I'm in jail, I like it here
It's nice, I like it
Hello dad, I'm in jail
Hello, hello dad, hi, I'm in jail
Say hi to mom, from jail
I'm in jail, I'm gonna stay here, I like it here
I like it, yeah, throw away the key
I'm in jail
Hello dad, I'm in jail
Jail, jail, jail, jail"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJEwo_gwO9M
-
In Living Color
"Get outta my way bi**h!"
"One white, one black and one incompetent little slut, that's what the show's motto should have been."
"You're spitting on me!"
"I think that was the one where you kept your shirt on wasn't it?"
"Get outta my way you bi**h!"
"Somebody get this bi**h out of my way!"
"Alright! Alright!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_7aFB5cGuE
-
Lost Girls
kenzi " Move the ugly Booze"
Kenzi "I feel like a wet dog moved into my mouth and had puppies."
-
ReBoot - Bad Bob
"Be still my binomes of war... just walk away"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B-9f3FA6QU
-
Hostess cupcakes 90's commercial
"Hey, where's the cream filling? Now that's the stuff, Hostess."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13T0VhugGdA
-
Simpsons
"No listening, you hear me?"
"Uh... no."
"You just don't learn do you."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRFeszd52QY
-
The Outer Limits: Final Appeal Part 2
"I would like to propose a toast, to the future! Beware of false gods, false promises but most of all, beware of me, hahahaha!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46ENu0_vqso
-
Simpsons
"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G5d8i74Wfk
-
The Simpsons
"Hey, everybody! How are you doing? Hey, what's up there?"
"Hi Lou."
"Hey, Chief-"
"Shut up! I love this song."
"Ooh, yeah."
"Shut up, Lou!"
"I'm jamming, jamming and I hope you like jamming too"
"Hehehehe!"
"See you through baby!"
"We're the living sacrifice"
"I can't really remember that- we're jamming!"
"Hey, man! I'm jamming!"
"Jamming!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPAwIvv7GWE
-
Comic Book Confidential: American Splendor
"Every since I was kid it seemed I collected something. At one time it was comics and magazines about sports. Then when I was 16 I stated collecting jazz records. At first and for a long time it was a healthy thing to do, I loved jazz and listened to it closely. Then for some reason I got obsessive about it, I was spending all my money on records, I had to think twice about getting a hamburger or going to a movie."
"My head was all f***ed up, I sat down to relax and think about my situation. This record collecting is driving me nuts, it's taking all my time and money. No matter how many records I get I'm never gonna be satisfied. What am I gonna do this is like be a junky."
"But surprisingly the next day I still felt fed-up with collecting. And what happen was for some reason I was able to give it up. It's funny how your mind sometimes works."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlPt0y2WaLk
-
Roseanne
"Hey man, how do you live with this chick?'
"I have to, I'm married to her."
"You guys got married?"
"You were in the wedding."
"... riiiight!"
"Danny, Danny man... you should have called."
"Well something's you never lose... and something's you lose to the wrong person."
"What is so damn funny? Why can't you just accept what I'm telling you? I'm a cop"
"You're a cop."
"I went to the academy"
"Went to the academy"
"In Springfield"
"Ooh, Springfield"
"I busted my tail-"
"Yeah?"
"-for six weeks!"
"Six weeks!"
"I CAN PICK UP A MAN AND THROW HIM AGAINST THE WALL!"
"DO IT!"
"BECAUSE I'M A POLICEWOMAN!"
"RIGHT!"
"THAT'S WHAT I DO!"
"WOMAN! YEAH! Hahahaha!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hVRtwJUQQU
-
Seinfeld
"Oh how quickly we forget, you owe me buddy."
"For what?"
"Remember this?"
"What are you doing?"
"Six months ago you were eating four of those for breakfast and chasing it with a ring ding! And two butter fingers on the train! Sounds familiar?!"
"Put that away!"
"Remember that night I found you at Dinky Donuts? You were all hopped up on cinnamon swirls! They wouldn't serve you anymore! You wouldn't even have any teeth if it wasn't for me taking you over to Joe's fruit stand and stuff a cantaloupe down your throat! So much for gratitude... yeah, yeah, yeah!"
"All right, all right, all right! I'll give him the discount, just put that thing away! And this squares us!"
"Can I just have the name--"
"Out!"
"We'll see you Dwayne."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh9nNJrQoWo
-
Simpsons
"Wait a minute, there's something bothering me about this place. I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exist. Enjoy your death trap ladies!"
"What was her problem?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VguWZvAGN4
-
CLASSIC TV OUT TAKES AND BLOOPERS
"We've made some mistakes, we've have some sex-setbacks"
"This cow will be put down within the week."
"Alcohol, liquor, booze--"
"Colin Baker for Thames news, Westminster, soaked with cold feet and an aching heart, married, several children, pissed off, really dreadfully pissed off!"
"Can you tell us the story of how Simon Frasier came to be buried here?"
"Because he died!"
"The technical term for that is Lager, that's L-I-R-G-E-R"
"The patient was released from the hospital this week and said it's the first time in years I've been able to cross my legs."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h33QLRzr99Y
"I have no secrets, I'm mad, I have to go to work; I have to earn a living. I'd rather have a private income and get laid, well and often."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXWVEZ-dIDs
-
Super Adventure Team
"West, keep your eyes peeled for enemy agents."
[Buck] "Enemy agent! Where?"
"Never mind, come on."
"Buck, I think my husband suspects something."
"Suspects what?"
"Our affair."
"Oh you know how I hate the "A" work, it implies committeemen."
"And I thought these things smelled bad... on the outside!"
"Super Adventure Team, I am speechless."
"Roger that, talk to you next week."
"Not that speechless you baritone boob!"
"I know a way to stay warm."
"Peeing on yourself, that's answer to everything isn't it."
"Wow, that one wet note said all that?"
"See you in dinosaur hell you damn... dinosaur!"
"Talia I respect you and I want to be as sensitive as possible about this... are you being a b***h because your having your monthly visit?"
"Now listen here you evil vixen!"
"No you listen... alright, you go."
"Why is that you wish to enslave all men?"
"Think of the disasters that pelage the surface world, name one not caused by man."
"Women?"
"Silence!"
"The removal of your sex organ."
"Run Terry!"
"Not Terry, I'm speaking of course of your true sex organ, your brain."
"Oh, thank god!"
"Terry?"
"Estrogena, prepare the brain for suction."
[Buck screams in pain]
"It's not on yet!"
"Oh."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5m_yI9jeys
-
Simpsons
"Ah, my new watering hole."
"Yeah, what do you want!?"
"A beer!"
"Ok then."
"Can I have clean glass?"
"[Groans] Here you go, your majesty!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWODRimKXWg
-
The Simpsons
"Your son Bart sounds very bad."
"Oh, he is."
"Son I just want you to know I love you very much."
"Shut-up!"
"Mmmm, grapefruit."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7eOLpxKXrI
-
It'll Be Alright on the Night
"Now Robin hood is well known for robbing from the poor and given to the rich."
"Is this a rehearsal?"
"It's a take."
"Don't laugh darling, you're suppose to be dead, I'm testing for your pulse."
"You can wait until I finish the line."
"You do that to Peter Jackson too you [beep]!"
"You know I've got diarrhea."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-xYFwLdUnA
-
Tiny Toons and The Simpsons
"The audience is now deaf!"
"Turn it up! Turn it up!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeeDAEknxoY
-
Let's All Go to the Lobby (1950s) Intermission Promo
"Let's all go to the lobby
let's all go to the lobby
let's all go to the lobby
Get ourselves a treat
Delicious things to eat;
The popcorn can't be beat.
The sparkling drinks are just dandy;
The chocolate bars and nut candy.
So let's all go to the lobby
To get ourselves a treat.
Let's all go to the lobby
To get ourselves a treat."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWFX4ylV_ko
The Simpsons
"And now our feature presentation [offscreen whispers] Oh, for... oh very well. Let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, get ourselves some snacks."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6tGMeK7JTY
Milk commercial
"Let's go out to the kitchen, let's go out to the kitchen, let's go out to the kitchen and have ourselves a snack."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lu6IiVYLH0
-
ALF: The Animated Series Intro (HQ)
"Ahoooo, Gordon
Ooooo, Ooooo
Ahoooo, Gordon
Ooooo, Ooooo
Ahoooo, Gordon
Ooooo, Ooooo
Gordon, send us into outer space
Cause there ain't no one like you in the Melmacian race.
Teach us, send us, Gordon make us twitch.
You're the only one that can scratch our itch.
So Gordon, Gordon, put us in stitches.
There ain't no one like you in this place.
Melmac is nuts, but worse than that
Melmac is really no place for cats.
But Gordon you've got an angle on things
You're the only one here who sings and swings.
Yeah, Gordon send us into outer space
'Cause there ain't no one like you in the Melmacian race.
Teach us, send us, Gordon make us twitch.
You're the only one that can scratch our itch.
So Gordon, Gordon, put us in stitches.
There ain't no one like you in this place.
Hey Gordon, come on and make us dance.
Ahoooo
Ooooo, Ooooo"
"No more 'tabby paw pie' for me before bedtime!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03_NqJFVEOc
-
The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police
"I'm not sure the school board would approve this field trip."
"Based on my limited knowledge of school board officials being dull, colorless momma's boys, I have to agree."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrS2ZCwiScs
-
It'll Be Alright On The Night 7 - pt3
"Well I am no longer your telephone"
"I forgot to tell you, that bullet doesn't have any guns in it."
"going to Bahrain has appealed to international help to fight the giant arselick--giant oil slick"
"the only clue to the murder's identity is a used and discarded hypodermic nerdle."
"Get rid of your grater, part with your peeler and chuck your chopper."
"Now Bob and John have all kinds of marvelous modern devices here to help you kick the smoking habit but the main thing to do is to in still you a very a very positive attitude and they really reinforce that attitude."
"No wonder they have so much sex--success"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbgKKIb3Nt4
-
Count Duckula
"If you're feeling...(Screams)
Or you kind of...(Ghoulish Laughter)
Could be you've met up with...DUCKULA!
If your knees go...(Knock Knock)
And your teeth go...(Chatter Chatter)
Maybe you've bumped into...DUCKULA!
He flies through the night
Looking for a bite
But he's back home by daylight
DUCKULA!
If you're sort of...(Boing Boing)
Or you're a little...(Cuckoo)
It's certain you've ran into...DUCKULA!
If your heart goes...(Boom Boom)
And your mind goes...(Gibber Gibber)
Man, you've had a brush with...DUCKULA!
So watch out for the...(Roar)
Beware of the...(Hysterical Giggling)
And pray you'll never meet with
DUCKULA! COUNT DUCKULA!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tYfXJVjPFo
-
Unsolved Mysteries
"Join me, perhaps you may be able to help solve a mystery."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUd0VvlhY7k
-
Seinfeld
"Hmmm... patio furniture's on sale."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTVZP64F-QE
-
Duckman
"How do you justify paying the largest star salary in history to a complete unknown?"
"I'll tell you cuppy cakes, this is an industry built on perception rather than fact, run by businessmen who only understand numbers who don't have a clue about what's good and what isn't. So the key is to be perceived as good by being associated with the biggest and best numbers, meaning if you have no talent you can buy credibility. In essence creating the illusion of quality by spending the most money."
"Wow, how's you learn so much in only a day and a half on the job?"
"I was looking for a strip joint and wondered into a Writers Guild meeting by mistake. Pissy little bunch, no wonder they're not allowed on the set."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH0N-kgMUbA
-
Slim Jim Light Bulb Commercial (Macho Man Randy Savage) (1996)
"Want to light up your life?"
"Yeah!"
"Snap into a Slim Jim!"
"Need some excitement? Snap into a Slim Jim!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lxp_3000h_U
-
Simpsons
"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy" [punch]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkShs7x-rEA
-
Frasier
"My God, Niles, it's such a glorious day, I walked all the way here. Thirty-two blocks, and Bruno Maglies be damned! Oh yes, I see the look, I know exactly what it means too. How could I very well say "no" to Diane? She came to me in crisis."
"Oh, you know, the change in Diane has really been quite gratifying. Dropped her off at the theater today, and there was a smile on her face that I haven't seen in... well, far too many years. Oh, I know what you're thinking. Where did she get the money to do the play? Well, she found a backer! It's tax deductible!"
"Oh, why don't you go ahead and say what you're thinking, Niles? That I'm falling for her again. "Well, you did bounce in here as though you were on top of the world, and babbling about her smile" — I just don't want to hear it, Niles! I'm simply helping her to get back on her feet and out of my life as quickly as possible. No, I don't know how long it's going to take. Look, I said I don't know! Oh, really, Niles! Curse you, you are the most infuriating busybody! I'm not sitting with you."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVsCPDczTLI
-
It'll Be Alright On The Night 3 - pt1
"Is it getting too commercialize, are people losing the spirit?"
"No, I think Charismas is a wonderful thing, I think they should have it every year."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5IBqW6WDQo
-
Seinfeld
"We're gonna miss the overture."
"Overture, curtains lights, this is it, we'll hit the heights, what heights we'll hit, on with the show, this is it!"
"You know, it is so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UcXBcMxUPc
-
Bugs Bunny: Racketeer Rabbit
"Low bridge."
"What's up doc?"
"One for you."
"How about me boss?"
"Oh yeah, one for you."
"And me boss?"
"One for you."
"And me boss?"
"One for you."
"And me boss?"
"One for you."
"And me boss?"
"One for you."
"And me boss?"
"One for you."
"Gee Rocky, youse is certainly are kind-hearted."
"Rocky's a little too smart for ya yeah, a little too smart, yeah, yeah!"
"Give'em him the left, the left, the left, yeah!"
"You're safe now pal, the police are gone."
"Yeah, well which way they go?"
"They went that way."
"Help police, come back! Take me with you! Don't leave me with that crazy rabbit! Help! Police! Help!"
"Some guys just can't take it, see, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2ZMLdGpf6Q
-
The Simpsons
"I am above average! So what if Alison's ahead of me? There's no shame in being second."
"And now, Avis Rent-A-Car is proud to present the second best band in America. Will you welcome Garfunkel, Messina, Oates, and Lisa singing their number two hit, "Born to Runner-Up."
[audience boos]
"Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtEuGfV9ZTM
-
Paul driessen - The killing of an egg
"Hey, who is it?"
"Yeah, just a minute! I'm a coming! Hello! Hello!"
"Yes, what is it?"
"Hey! Hey, watch it! Who is it?"
"Hey, stop that!"
"Hey, no! No! Hey! Hey! No! Aaaaaaaaa!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z-XTeyV8Dk
-
Sledge Hammer
"Is that a silencer?"
"No, it's not a silencer. This little doodad is my own invention. I call it a loudener."
"A loudener?"
"Hammer, you were not suppose to shoot all the targets, just the bad guys!"
"Right, right, right, I had no idea! I don't know where my head's at."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WKM9GDuX0Y
-
Moonbeam City
"Are you pleased with yourself?"
"No more than usual."
"Sure, you only let one measly guy get away, and now he's running the goddamn city!"
"Not the whole city, just upper midtown and lower downtown and middle uptown lowtown. Besides, it's mostly poor people."
"Where exactly did you end up last night?"
"I was pursuing some hot leads. [Flashback] Legally, I can make any three people here do each other. Take it. Show your friends. Who wants some?"
"How long is this going to last?"
"As long as heartless crooks have snakes for hearts."
"No, this."
"I paid for 48 hours."
"Get your skanks out of my office!"
"Hey, they have names, probably. [Whispering] Keep dancing, I'll meet you in the men's room in five."
"Dazzle, I need you to focus, and I'm gonna help you by taking away some distractions. For starters, your gun."
"What?! Then all I'll have are these worthless knives."
"And I'm dismantling your nap nook."
"So I'm supposed to nap on my couch like a dog?"
"Oh, and I hope you're not too attached to this." [Number #1 Cop mug]
"No, no, no, no, no, no. How else will people know that I'm the number one cop? I can't drink out of a trophy. I'll look like an idiot."
"I'll tell you how. Go out and capture that psychopath. I'm giving you five days, Dazzle, or you'll be gone so fast, your head'll spin."
"My head doesn't know the meaning of the word spin."
[Dirking from the Number #2 Cop mug] "This is humiliating."
"You're telling me, brother."
"It tastes like death."
"Really? Because I drink from the cup of life."
"Rad Cunningham, king dick of the ass forest."
"I see you've met my special lady."
"I've been using her for all kinds of things: spitting tobacco, giving baths to my mice, storing my farts."
"You monster! She wasn't made for mouse baths! She's an angel."
"Well, she's mine now, okay? Just like your office will be and your crystal house dome on the Moonbeam Bay. Don't like it?! Shoot me."
"I want to, but I can't."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSeICCnTvWw
-
Mad TV: Whose Idea Was This Anyway?
"Isn't improve hilarious? Hey anything can happen and uh... one day, something might!"
"Tings a toaster would say!"
"No, no, huh, Magic, that's a different game!"
"Well then I take Whoopi Goldberg for the di block!"
"Well he's terrible at this!"
"But not just tis!"
"Alright that's all the time we have, I'll see you the next time I get a bad idea and ABC pays me for it, goodnight everyone..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CPh69nKgS0
-
Police Squad!
"We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then."
"Did he have an enemies?'
"Well the Democrats didn't like him."
"Oh, poor Ralph. And what about my daughter? What am I going to tell her?"
"Yeah, your gonna have to tell her something, tell her he went a long trip."
"No wait a minute, how about a big monster came and took him to daddy heaven. Nah."
"How about this? He threw himself on a grenade and saved a battalion. Yeah, that's it."
"No, wait a minute. He was killed by left-wing insurgents from Paraguay. No, Bolivia."
"I got it. I got it. He was traded to the Cubs for Reggie Jackson."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8PZFQz-qmo
-
The Critic - Dukerella
"Hello Randa, you look good enough to eat, slp slp slp slp slp! Now that's fast food."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUloNXJwCHU
-
Penn & Teller Bullsh**
"You know of all the assh***s we've filmed, he's right at the top. Other people have been like, misguided, mentally ill, but for pure raw assh***, he may win."
"You can't be the center of the world! I'm the center of the world! I am! I am the cow! I am the cow!"
"It's a grilled f***ing cheesy f***ing sandwich! It's not an icon!"
"Remember our hypno s**t pal Wendy? You know with the tapes to turn you into a hair and p***s farmer?"
"More easily through this, through what? What the f**k is this?!"
"Yeah, I've got your most intimate place hanging, ohh, this would be so sexy if I didn't hate Wendy so much!"
"The Rules, Time Tested Secretes for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, or as we like to call it, How to Sucker a Sap Into a Manipulative Relationship."
"Right, yeah, giving them control of their lives by telling them what to do."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kKZ3wy2Iww
-
Simpsons
"No way out I tell you!"
"I can see the music."
"I am the lizard queen!"
"Give her this, and this, and then these."
"Thank you doctor."
"Oh I'm not a doctor."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMLLYQChK-o
-
Beavis and Buttheads
"Help us! Help us! We're trapped in here, please we have two pregnant women on board!"
"Hehehe, hehehe, how did that happen?"
"The mystery of downed flight 404 has been solved today. Survivors of the plane which disappeared last Wednesday, say that two young men pictured in this police sketch, taunted crew and passengers with hope of rescue, but left the crash site when they were distracted by their own flatulence. President Clinton was quoted as saying: "This is a sad commentary on the youth of America, when the preoccupation with flatulence takes precedence over human life."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY-Aryb95CM
-
Orkin Commercials
"You!"
[Gasps]
"Were not supposed to be back until Sunday."
"..."
"We could use the boy--"
"Yeah."
"... on drums."
"..."
"Rodents wants to make your home, their home, but Orkin keeps them out. Get guarantee protection from rats, mice and all kinds of pests. Orkin, keeping pests in their place."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBCe6go6NXE
"Hello, we're here to deliver your new... couch".
"Couch?"
"It has a matching ottoman... mmmm, sugar."
"Bugs want in, Orkin keeps them out, no one is better trained to rid your home of pests and keep them from coming back. Orkin, keeping pests in their place."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGBtBw5Fg38
"I'll get it."
"How are you this morning, I wonder if I could use your phone, my car broke down a few blocks over and-- is that oak? I uh, I want to try and call my brother-in-law."
"What?"
"Bugs want in, Orkin keeps them out."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8xXv1NOeXI
-
The Simpsons
"I like to buy your deadliest gun please."
"Aisle 6, next to the sympathy cards."
"Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster..."
"Oh, yeah."
"Bandoleer."
"Baby."
"Silencer."
"Mm-hmm."
"Loudener."
"Oh..."
"Speed-cocker."
'Ooh, I like the sound of that!"
"And this is for shooting down police helicopters."
"Oh, I don't need anything like that... yet."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haeYj82a9f4
-
The Simpsons
"You took 4 minutes of my life and I want them back!... Oh, I'd only waste them anyway."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGGfnLBTLdY
-
Family Guy
"Whenever I get angry I go do some footloose dancing."
[scenes from Footloose (1984)] "I'm also thinking about ice-creams."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPFpV1J9AWE
-
Beavis and Butthead
"It's not gonna be easy to take care of a baby with a control in your hand."
"This chick is a horrable actor, hehehehe!"
"Yeah, really, hehehehe!"
"I've got nothing better to do."
"That's what you said like, two minutes ago."
"Eh, wait a minute, I think this is real. Hehehehe!"
"Oh yeah, yeah, so she's not a bad actor then... hehehehe... just a bad person."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4HL_me-_QM
-
A&W rootbeer commercial [Thick-headed Husband]
"That's weird, honey, this lipstick doesn't look like your shade."
"Three hundred dollars for a massage? I don't remember a massage!"
"Honey, get in here, I'm watching a video tape from my bachelor party! Ahahaha!"
Think headed, sure, but nothing compares to the rich think frosty mug taste of an A&W Rootbeer. With A&W, it's good to be think headed.
"Boy was that embarrassing, here let me rewind it."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs7u7nj-Djk
A&W Rootbeer Dumass
"Mr. Dumbass, I can bring a lot to Dumbass and Dumbass, I'm a go geter, Dumbass martial all the way. So, am I your man Mr. Dumbass?"
"... the name is Dumass."
That's pretty think headed, but nothing compares to the rich think frosty mug taste of an A&W Rootbeer. With A&W, it's good to be think headed."
"What a dumbass!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMe3WDmxBEI
-
California Raisins Commercials
"Great Ray, that's a rap."
[Ray hears a guitar play a few notes]
"Huh?"
[Ray plays a few notes on the piano]
"Oh I heard it through the grapevine!"
"Oh I heard it through the grapevine!"
"Raisins Commercials sunshine!"
"Raisins Commercials sunshine!"
"Whoa!"
"Whoa!"
"Through the grapevine!"
"Through the grapevine!"
"Yeah, I heard it through the grapeviiiiiiine! Hehehehe, that's sweet."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PNPw5ozU0U
-
The Simpons
"Ovulate damn you! Ovulate!"
"You are out of sprem."
"Hey baby, remember me?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uqRRuckLjI
-
Dr. Katz
"I have an 11:30 appointment, I'm huh, 380 seconds late."
"You know I don't know if you notice or not, but I consider you my best friend. You may be looking at it a different way but, I'm just going to wait over here."
"Are you on any kind of medication or have you taken any medication?"
"I've taken robitussin..."
"Ok."
"That's, you know, I got a little bit addicted to it. I would try to get sore throats on purpose and stuff. I don't know if I like the taste or if it actually made me a little bit high or... sprouts aren't medication?"
"No, sprouts are not medication."
"I love sprouts."
"Yeah."
"How many cubs of coffee have you had today?"
"Huh, this is my 3rd."
"Your 3rd."
"I usually have between 3 and 12 and now I'm on my 3rd and I'm getting a little bit wired up now."
"If I were to characterize you as being hyper vigilant, about your surroundings, does that describe you do you think?"
"I don't know what that means?"
"I'm not sure myself, I'm just working from a text here, but you have all of the symptoms of one of those guys."
"Look how abstract are you gonna get in here? I mean..."
"...Blue..."
"This guy is insane, I should have never came in here."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3exck6_n3w
-
The Simpsons
"I finally got around to reading the dictionary... turns out the Zebra did it."
"I don't get it."
"Dad, the Zebra didn't do it, its just a word at the end of the dictionary."
"I still don't get it."
"It's just a joke."
"Oooh! I get it! I get jokes, ahahahahahahaha!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMto0ecNIa4
-
Seinfeld
"You know one of these days, something terrible is gonna happen to you... it has too!"
"No, I'm gonna be just fine."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23DIN42SDK0
-
It'll be alright on the night
"but the pilot and the co-pilot both manga to ejaculate safely."
"they cut there nuts"
"He claims they contain an orgasm--"
"Our text lunch, is at lunch time tomorrow."
"It is different now of course, you never ever see a professional smoker playing football."
"Would you please shut-up, for christ's sake, I'm on the air!"
"and the audio cue has gotten stuck."
"What's your name Michelle?"
"Michelle."
"James, where you from?"
"From my mom's house."
"Your mom's house, where does your mom live?"
"At her house."
"You believe that load of bulls**t."
"In an effort to keep people falling though the ice, the coastguard--" [falls through the ice]
"Wait a minute, this is our train!"
"Uh, let's see, let's uh... oh my god." [faints]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVOVKCYRSoc
-
The Simpsons
"You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial."
"No way, because I'm not dying!"
"Second is anger."
"Why you little... Da-! Guuuuuh! Yaaaaah!"
"After that, comes fear."
"What's after fear? What's after fear?"
"Bargaining."
"Doc, you've got to get me out of this. I'll make it worth your while."
"And finally, acceptance."
"Well, we've all got to go sometime."
"Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8U35Y7swvRg
-
Seinfeld
"Can I have a medium Diet Coke?"
"Do you want the Medium size or the middle size?"
"What's the difference?"
"Well, we have three sizes. Medium, Large, and Jumbo."
"What happened to the small?"
"There is no small. Small is Medium."
"So what's medium?"
"Medium is Large, and large is Jumbo."
"Oh-kay. Gimme the large."
"That's medium."
"Right. Yeah. Could I have a small popcorn?"
"There is no small. Child-size is small."
"What's 'medium'?"
"Adult."
"Do adults ever order the child-size?"
"Not usually."
"Hehehe, okay, gimme the 'adult'."
"Do you want butter?"
"Is it real butter?"
"It's butter-flavored!"
"Yeah, what's it made of?"
"It's yellow!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAD5dz9-Qg8
-
Star Trek: The Next Generation
"So you do purport to be the mythic figure Ardra?"
"I have many names, my pale friend. I'm Mendora in the Berussian Cluster. Torak to the Drellians. The Klingons call me Fek'lhr."
"You are not Fek'lhr!"
"Ah, but I am! I am the Guardian of Gre'thor! Where the dishonoured go when they die!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ofYRHe1cFM
-
Star Trek
"What do you make of the cat Mr. Spock?"
"Quite a lovely animal Captain, find myself strangely drawn to it."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPykf0Tree8
-
Animal House-Star Trek The Next Generation
"... Sorry."
"...Sorry."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOkoIObQQrU
-
Star Trek The Next Generation
"Let us pray, for understanding, and for compassion."
"Let us do no such damn thing!"
"Don't you see Riker? He's nothing but a flim flam man, he's been that ever since we met him at Farpoint!"
"Flim flam?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq1rdnyE3Ko
-
Star Trek The Anaimated Series
"Captain's log, supplemental. Unusual incidents have continued to plague our crew. Even the perceptive Mister Spock has fallen victim to these simple-minded pranks."
"One grilled cheese on rye. What the blazes? Hold it just a doggone minute! I said one sandwich, that's all. Someone turn off this infernal food factory."
"Hahahaha!"
"Oh, hehehehe! Excuse me for laughing."
"Go ahead and laugh. Big joke. I'll bet you two are responsible for this, ay?"
"Hey, wait a minute. We didn't cause this to happen."
"Tell that to the Captain. I'm reporting both of you just as soon as I--" (Scotty gets a custard pie in the face)
"The situation has reached the point where friends are accusing friends. The entire crew is on edge, myself included."
"Okay, this whole thing has gone far enough!"
"Sir?"
"I've just picked up my clean uniforms from the service chute and when I put this one on, I discovered this." (the back of his shirt says Kirk is a Jerk)
Hahahahaha!
"When you all finish laughing, I'd appreciate an explanation."
"Captain, I never laugh."
"Well somebody certainly did."
"Captain Kirk, look behind you."
"Really, M'Ress, you're going to have to be a little more clever than that."
"This is no joke, sir."
"Now what?"
"It appears to be a legitimate fog. Perhaps the humidification system is hmmm!"
"Here, Spock. Whoops!"
"Amazing. This deck is covered with ice."
"And it was almost covered with us. I don't know what's going on here, but it's going to stop before someone's hurt."
Hahahahaha!
"There's that laugh again. Something awfully familiar about it. What do you make of all this, Spock?"
"The evidence all points to one guilty party, Captain."
"You mean you know who's behind these stunts?"
"Not who, what. I believe our practical joker is the Enterprise itself."
"Of course. That laugh, it's the voice of our main computer."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPmyBcfZEpQ
-
Star Trek: The Next Generation
"Well, I suppose that is the end of Q."
"Au Contraire Mon Capitan! Heeeee's back!"
"Q!"
"But I feel like celebrating!"
"I don't!"
"Alright."
"All of it."
"Ugh."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke_AkJC92IA
-
Mad TV - California Raisins THS
"Worse than Clown Killer, John Wayne Grapy. Worse even, than New York's David Grapowitz, The Son Of Jam."
"Soon they became known as, the Hollywood Raisins. There was Captain Chewy, Sunshine, Mort, and Dexter... the drummer. In truth, they had sold their souls to Hellogs, the country's largest cereal company in order to populate the mass eating of raisins. The Hollywood Raisins were guaranteed survival while signing the death warrant of trillions of their raisin brothers, two giant scoops at a time."
"What followed was the raisin trial of the century."
"We were just following orders."
"Yes orders, orders that resulted in wholesale slaughter, indeed raisin genocide that few could even imagine."
"Honey I know that you make mighty good wine!"
"So long suckers! Bye-bye! Get back in there!"
"For condemning your brothers to a fiber-rich milky grave, with orange juice to make it a complete breakfast, I sentence you to death."
"Join us next time when we examine the cross country crime spree of Poppin Fresh and the Hamburger Helper Oven Mitt on Investigated Raisin reports."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecxQjg7_EVg
-
Mad TV: Davey and Goliath II - Pet Cemetery
"Well whatever you do, stay away from that graveyard up by the old pet cemetery."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll am saying is, if a fellow were to go out there, which he shouldn't, well this here is the shortest way."
"Darn truckers, darn motorcycle gangs, darn river dancers."
"Problem is, you bury an animal here, they tend not to stay buried."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh for god sakes son, it's not that complicated, your dog is gonna come back to life because you buried him in the wrong cemetery!"
"What do you mean?"
"Hello Davey."
"Huh? Goliath! Your alive again, but how?"
"It's like I said you moron! It's that pet cemetery!"
"The what cemetery?"
"Maybe Goliath came up here to this pet cemetery."
"He's about this close to getting a hammer to the back of his head."
"Hello Davey."
"I've got to kill you Goliath, the bible says the only thing that suppose to come back to life, is Jesus."
"Now be a good time to use that shotgun boy."
"Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!"
"How everything turn out?"
"I killed all those devil animals, even Goliath."
"You did good boy, what did you do with all those bodies."
"I figured as long as I was up there, I might as well just bury them in that graveyard up past the old pet cemetery."
"He's a nice young fellow, but he's dumber than a bag of hammers."
"What do you mean?"
"Ah go f**k yourself!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaQ2O9_XlM0
-
Attack Ads, Circa 1800
"John Adams is a blind, bald, crippled, toothless man who wants to star a war with France. While he's not busy importing mistresses from Europe, he's trying to marry one of his son's to a daughter of King Gorge (III), haven't we had a enough monarchy in America?"
"I'm Thomas Jefferson and I approve of this message, because John Adams is a hideous hermaphroditic character with neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman."
"If Thomas Jefferson wins, murder, robbery, rape, adultery and incest will be openly taught and practiced. The air will be rent with the cries of the distressed, the soil will be soaked with blood and the nation blacked with crimes. Are you prepared to see your dwellings in flames? Female chastity violated? Children writhing on a pike?"
"I"m John Adams and I approve of this message, because Jefferson is the son of a half breed Indian squaw raised on hoecakes, and Hamilton is a creole bastard brat of a Scottish peddler."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_zTN4BXvYI
-
The Simpsons
"See you in hell, candy boys!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHxH3MJKU_E
-
A Charlie Brown Christmas
"Boy what a sound! How I love hearing that old money plink. That beautiful sound of cold hard cash! That beautiful, beautiful sound! Nickles, nickles, nickles! That beautiful sound of plinking nickles!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pU8ghk1Q94
-
Mad TV - I Know What You Did Last Christmas
The following preview is rated NC-17. It contains scenes of graphic violence, nudity, and that Brandy chick
"Son of a b***h!"
It was a Charismas Eva they wanted to forget
"Wow, there really is a Santa Claus."
"Correction, was a Santa Claus.
"Hahahaha! Lets dumb the body."
But some secrets just won't die. I Know What You Did Last Christmas
He knows when you've been naughty, he knows when you've been nice, and he knows when you've dumped his mangled body in a lake.
"No check, cheap motherf--"
This Charismas, deck the halls with pits of Brandy
"I hope it's more hair yarn."
And if that's not enough, check out these breasts!
"What are you waiting for, come and get me fat man!"
This year, get hooked on Charismas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeVdzRVJPf0
-
Star Trek The Next Generation
"Ya, what was that she said sonny? I couldn't quite hear her?"
"Q? What's going on here? Where is the anomaly?"
"Where is your mommy? Well, I don't know."
"Answer me."
"There is an answer, Jean-Luc, but I can't hand it to you. Although you do have help."
"What help?"
"You're not alone, you know. What you were and what you are to become will always with you."
"My time shifting. The answer does lie there, doesn't it. Now, tell me one thing. This anomaly we're looking for, will that destroy humanity?"
"You're forgetting, Jean-Luc. You destroy humanity."
"By doing what? When? How can--"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPfQT5veA8Q
-
The Simpsons
"We'll take the Spruce Moose, hop in."
"But sir--"
[pulls out a gun and cocks the hammer back]
"I said hop in."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIFMX4B2PXo
-
The Simpsons
"Attention, everyone. This is Principal Skinner. Some student, possibly Bart Simpson, has been circulating candy hearts featuring crude, off-color sentiments. Well, let me tell you something, Valentine's Day is no joke." [Skinner has a flashback of Valentine's Day in Vietnam]
"Sending your chick a valentine, huh?"
"Yup." [Johnny is shot dozens of times by machine gun fire]
"Johnny. Johnny! JOHNNYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
"Cool! I broke his brain."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTWnp0zs2iU
-
Frasier
"Personally, I think the whole arrangement is a little what? Charming!?"
"You get that Frasier, you get that Niles!"
"Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there ourselves and ASK HER WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT US?!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekTxI4hReE4
-
The Simpsons
"I'm sorry, young man, you’re just not ready. Pick up your check at the front office, and for God's sake put some clothes on!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaCGjERG9Y4
-
Simpsons
"What am I gonna do? I've murdered us all!" [Homer's voice echoes] I've murdered us all! I've murdered us all!
"Shut up!" [Homer's voice echoes] Shut up! Shut up!
"D'oh!" [Homer's voice echoes] D'oh! D'oh!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJRoCBXemgU
"Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7hUEHHk0Dg
"My third husband bought me this. Gimme some chips for it!"
"Are you sure, ma'am?"
"Don't tell me what to do, sonny. I've been gambling since I was 8, and I've been hocking jewelry since I was 12! Now gimme some chips!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRHLI9oaLhg
"Hey, I thought you twisted your ankle?"
"Oh yeah, well see the thing about that is..." [Mark Hamill runs off]
"As a bodyguard your only loyalty is to your protectee. Not to your family, not to your country - not to Moo-hammad."
"Not even during Ramadan?"
"Shut your sass-hole, boy."
"You ladies are without a doubt the most sorrowful clique at the dance! Not one of you are fit to guard a Russian rock band. However, your checks have cleared, so you all graduate. Congratulations. And now, in honor of your achievement, here is the theme song from the hit motion picture, The Bodyguard."
"Homer I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children!"
"They'll be fine in half an hour."
"That's not the point, and another thing, I asked to take out the garbage 3 days ago and you still haven't-- [Homer uses his sleeper hold on her]
"Hmm? Still half an hour until dinner, oh well... [Homer uses his sleeper hold on himself and his head smacks the table] OW!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oplJi8XCBA
-
Curb Your Enthusiasm
What are you looking at? You see something? Huh?
"Wh- What did I do?"
What did you do? You know what you did! You did nothing!
"If you want me to do something, just tell me!"
You've got to change the diet, I've told you about that. I don't want the red meat, you're eating the red meat. I don't like that!
"I'm doing the best I can."
Go to a doctor. Get yourself a checkup. Colonoscopy, you afraid to get a colonoscopy? What's the matter with you?
"I'm sorry."
Everybody gets it! Get a colonoscopy!
"I'm really going to do it."
F**king fa***t!
.........
You got your father-in-law's birthday coming up. You going to get a card?
"Okay."
You're not going to get a card! You're not going to do a f***ing thing!
"I'll try and do better. I will."
TV! TV! TV! That's what you like to do! Read a f**king book!
"Okay, yeah, you're right! You know everything!"
Who the f**k do you think you're talking to!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3lwPd-GGn4
-
3-2-1 Contact
"3-2-1!
Contact is the secret; is the moment when everything happens!
Contact is the answer; is the reason that everything happens!
Contact! Let's make contact!
3-2-1 Contact!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2-LEBc2sO8
-
The Simpsons
"Are you sure this is the woman you saw in the post office?"
"Absolutely, who could forget such a monstrous visage? She has the sloping brow and cranial bumpage of the career criminal."
"Uh, sir, phrenology was dismissed as quackery a hundred-sixty years ago."
"Of course you'd say that, you have the brain pan of a stage coach tilter."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVvg1CKBE20
-
The Simpsons
"What postilion have you got for me? That's right, a girl wants to play football. How about that?"
"Well, that's super-duper, Lisa. In fact, we already have four girls on the team."
"You do?"
"Uh-huh. But we'd love to have you on board."
"Well, football's not really my thing. After all, what civilized person would play a game with the skin of an innocent pig?"
"Well, actually, Lisa, these balls are synthetic."
"And for every ball we buy, a dollar goes to Amnesty International."
"I've gotta go."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnRt_JEoBRU
-
Liquid Television: Elvis Meets The Spider People From Hell
"Oh there, who are you?"
"I'm Steve."
"My name is Ellito."
"I'm Paul."
"We're the spider people from hell."
"Well uh, my name is Elvis Presley, it's really nice to meet you fellas."
"Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you."
"Well, I guess we'll be going now."
"Goodbye Elvis."
"It was really nice meeting you."
"Likewise fellas, hmmm, mighty nice people."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i14OT4ZhqLk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i14OT4ZhqLk)
-
Seinfeld
"What?"
"That shirt. You think that you are the number one dad?"
"This was a gift from my son."
"Oh, I see how it works now. He knocks me outta commission, so you can strut around in your fancy number one shirt. Well, I'll show you who's number one."
"Mr Mandelbaum, please."
"It's go time."
"Again, Mr Mandelbaum, this back specialist is supposed to be the best. So if there's anything else I can do, please don't hesitate to, uh, try andfind my number."
"Uh, oh, wait. How 'bout that, huh? The World's Greatest Dad. My son made it for me."
"That's very nice."
"The best in the world. Which means I'm better than just number one."
"Well, I don't know how official any of these rankings really are."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdv9yFIoLPk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdv9yFIoLPk)
-
The Red Green Show
"Alright, men. Bow your heads for the man's prayer."
"I'm a man..."
"I can change..."
"If I have to..."
"I guess"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1I3pSZGCuHA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1I3pSZGCuHA)
-
Star Trek
"Captain. Standing by to beam your survivors aboard our ship. Prepare to abandon your vessel."
"No. No, that is not our way. I regret that we meet in this way. You and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you friend."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LkUVKDgle0
-
Frasier
"Well, when there's a dirty job to be done, you can't go wrong with a Mormon."
"Hahahaha!"
"Scoff all you like, the man is a genius at PR."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63v4mFwNAT4
-
MST3K what to do on a date
Bye Nick, what a loser
Dennis!
You can't inject puberty, it has to happen over time.
I bet he wishes he had a life, man what a loser.
With each dial he comes closer and closer to the most humiliating moment of his life
"What if she says no?"
She will!
"Oh, hello Kay"
NO!
"This is Nick Baxter"
NO!
"Oh hello Nick, how are you?"
I hurt inside
"Uh, Kay, you wouldn't want to help get the scavenger sale ready at the community center would you?"
HOW MANY WAYS CAN I SAY NO!?
"Oh I've been hearing about that, yes I would like to very much."
It is okay if I bring my boyfriend David?
"I sure didn't think she go to a place like that for a date."
With a loser like me
"A group, doing things together"
Hurts
"Yes, it was a good idea to come here"
At first!
"How does Jeff get ideas like that?'
From the voices inside his head
"Hey, what's this? Maybe this is where Jeff gets ideas?"
The lunch menu?
"or a weenie roast?"
Nick no!
Kay! Kay! Kay! What about my needs!?
"Swimming meets for example"
Are very dull
"Yeah, Nick's looking for you."
Jeez, hide me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nLbuQu-Ioo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nLbuQu-Ioo)
-
The Simpsons
"Nelson, leggings?"
"Noway, if my old man sees me in these, he'll kill me."
"You haven't seen your dad in years."
"Hey, today might be the day."
"Nelson..."
"Papa!? Is that you? You came back from the store." [Nelson is actually hugging and kissing a tree]
"Who's he talking to?"
"Let's admire Nelson's love of nature!"
"Papa! Papa! Never leave me again!"
"Lets go boys. Make sure you use Pinesol on those pine trees for that pine fresh smell!
[Nelson sees a tree and thinks it's his father again] "Papa!?"
"Oh for god sakes I can see why he left."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu8SGc2BHyk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu8SGc2BHyk)
-
The Simpsons
"My name is Gloria, I'm here because Johnny-boy hasn't been able to cut it, man-wise, for some time; not that I'd want his stench of gin and sour defeat pressed against me."
"She never cooks, she keeps a filthy house, and she talks profanely! She's the queen of the harpies! Queen of the harpies! Here's your crown, Your Majesty. Queen of the harpies!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRQ5Vuvfpyg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRQ5Vuvfpyg)
-
Courage the Cowardly Dog
"You're not perfect." [echoing]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AXseEnXtsc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AXseEnXtsc)
-
Star Trek Voyager
"I want to know what's going on here. Where's Captain Janeway?"
"Let me go before I hurl this ship and everyone on it into the Therinian Ice Age."
"I don't think you can."
"Don't be ridiculous." (the female Q snaps her fingers but nothing happens)
"I don't know how or why, but something's affected your powers. Otherwise, you wouldn't still be here and you wouldn't have a bruise on your forehead. Now start talking before I hurl you into the brig."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GevtUoQj_G0
-
Mad TV - Raging Rudolph
"Hey, what's so freaking impotent that you had to interrupt my scungilli? What, you don't know the story of Rudolph? Well pull up an ice pick-- I mean ice block and I'll tell you everything... well, not everything. As far back as he could remember, Rudolph wanted to be one of Santa's made Reindeer. Like his friends, Jimmy the Antler and Frankie Twotimes, there was only one problem."
"I guess I'm just a f***ing misfit. Hey, who the f*** are you?"
"I'm Herme the Drill, Santa kicked me out because I wouldn't give him his tribute. Someday I'm gonna take over Santa's whole operation."
"Ho, ho, ho, Donner and Blitzen just hijacked a shipment of pure snow, we'll make two million easy. Who the f*** are you?"
"Who the f*** am I? I'm Yukon Corneleone, the greatest hitman of all and I've a special present for you, compliments of one disgruntle elf and Red-Nosed Reindeer!"
"You takin to me? You takin to me?"
"Hey, I should get one of theses for my workshop."
"Hey, look who it is, Mr. Freaking fireplug! Mr. Freaking fireplug!"
"So remember kids, the moral of this story is keep your f***ing mouth shut!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icjh6wGUUfE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icjh6wGUUfE)
-
Star Trek Voyager
"On the contrary, the demands on a Vulcan's character are extraordinarily difficult. Do not mistake composure for ease."
"I'd just like to know... from someone else who pulled the wool over my eyes... was I particularly naive? Was I not paying enough attention? What the hell was it that let all you spies get by me?"
"Like all Humans, you depend on feelings and instincts to guide you; and they invariably let you down. But particularly naive... no, Commander. And I've always considered your attention span to be adequate."
"Did you ever see anything about Seska that made you suspicious?"
"No, she quite expertly pulled the wool over my eyes as well."
"Well... that makes me feel a little better. Thanks."
"Curious."
"What?"
"That my failure, added to your own, should improve your feelings."
"Misery loves company, Tuvok."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MWgbXF2Pvw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MWgbXF2Pvw)
-
Stupid Game Show Answers - Role Reversal
"OK, OK, you did fine, what happen the one you came a crapper... a cropper on"
"Gee, I didn't think it was that bad!"
"Next question, ladies, 25-point boner... bonus question"
The password is Role
"Ah, Ken, Role, Uh-oh! I said the word!"
"No I'm wrong! I'm f***ing wrong! s***!"
"Is it Jeopardy? Oh no, is it! Is it gymnastics?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6RtqcthdvM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6RtqcthdvM)
-
California Raisins - Heard It Through The Grapevine (1988)
♪I heard it through the grapevine
Raised in the California sunshine
You know I heard it through the grapevine♪
"Honey, are you playing with your food again?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkbA3E363So (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkbA3E363So)
-
The Simpsons
"A volley of muskety flamed, thundered, roared! A profound silence followed, broken only by the approaching footsteps - of the Third Brigade. Next week, chapter 35 of The Man in the Iron Mask: The Death of a Titan! Well, kids, that's our show for today. And now, in the words of Mr. Cole Porter."
♪Every time we say goodbye
I die a little
Every time we say goodbye
I wonder why a little
Every time we say goodbye
Goodbye♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1tyYjR0KLc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1tyYjR0KLc)
-
DELETED
-
The Simpsons
♪The summer wind
Came blowing in
From across the sea♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQD14VPLOLI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQD14VPLOLI)
-
Whatchamacallit Commercial 1987
♪Ahh ahh
Thingamabob, gobbledygunk, what's its face?
Whatchamacallit
Whatever it is, whatever it was
Chocolatey chocolatey
Whatchamacallit
How's it go? Wowzledo, chewgoody caramel
Whatchamacallit
Dohickey's, you know what I mean, peanuty crispies
Chewy chocolatey, crunchy, Hershey's
Dodad, skid-a-marie, more than a mouthful
Its... whatchamacallit, whatchamacallit
Ahh ahh♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md_uz1dKMTM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md_uz1dKMTM)
-
Nestle's Alpine White commercial
♪It's never been like this
Sweet dreams you can't resist
A dream as sweet as this
N-E-S-T-L-E-S
Alpine white
Creamy white
Alpine white's the very best
N-E-S-T-L-E-S
Sweet dreams, you caaaan't resist♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyJ1Ll3apgg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyJ1Ll3apgg)
-
Star Trek Deep Space Nine
"Good evening."
"Are you expecting applause? Have you come to take a bow?"
"I just wanted to say thank you."
"For what? Allowing you to manipulate me so completely?"
"For being a decent human being. That's why we selected you in the first place Doctor, we needed someone who wanted to play the game but would only go so far. When the time came you stood your ground, you did the right thing, you reached out to an enemy, you told her the truth, you tried to stop a murder. Federation needs men like you Doctor, men of conscience, men of principle, men who can sleep at night. You're also the reason Section 31 exists. Someone has to protect men like you from a universe that doesn't share your sense of right and wrong."
"Should I feel sorry for you? Should I be weeping over the burden you're forced to carry in order to protect the rest of us?"
"It is an honor to know you, Doctor. Goodnight."
"Bashir to Security.
"Odo here."
"...Never mind... my mistake."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiKIU6d7Fyc
-
Seinfeld
"What time have you got?"
"No, I don't wear a watch."
"What do you do?"
"Well I tell time by the sun."
"How close do you get?"
"Well I can guess within an hour."
"Well I can guess within the hour and I don't even have to look at the sun. What about at night, what do you do then?"
"Well nights tougher, but it's only a couple of hours."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSliIY_zEgk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSliIY_zEgk)
-
Wow - I have a quote!
"Impossible just means try again" - Shadowhunters, Alec Lightwood words to Clary Fairchild.
I like this quote because of its positivity. :)
-
MST3K - The Wild, Wild World of Batwoman
"I... am..."
Ironman
"As it could be highly dangerous"
And highly dull
[Incomprehensible stereotype Chinese]
What the hell?
Sir, sit closer to the mic now
Look at this guy, rigor mortis has set in
[More incomprehensible stereotype Chinese]
Yoko, no!
Please god, cut away to anything, please!
Would you just please leave!
[One again more incomprehensible stereotype Chinese]
You know that may not really be Chinese
"It seems we've lost communication"
Good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x38AM_SxIz0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x38AM_SxIz0)
"EEENNNND! EEENNNND!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_nPp64OrBc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_nPp64OrBc)
-
MST3K - Horror at Party Beach Montage
"I never needed you and I never will."
They wrote there own vows
How's it going car?
♪Chances are that I’ll kick your scrawny ass!♪
Well I'm gonna strip for someone
My skull!
I had a generally positive impression of white people before this movie.
Isn't there a union rule that says they have to take a break?
I don't like slumber parties now that I'm in my 40s
"Come on."
I think we're gonna get killed! Neat!
"He's cute isn't he?"
No
No
What do you think magic bear?
Just smile at the stupid white people
I say something, but the guy who dubs me is on break
I'm falling! I'm falling again! Again! Again! Again!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKo6jV7kNNk
-
Driver: You Are The Wheelman
"We need a driver, we've heard a lot about you, you any good?"
"Get in."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gi_HinC7Yo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gi_HinC7Yo)
Turok 2: Seeds of Evil
"Only evil this dark could bring him back... only a game this big can do him justice.... Turok 2: Seeds of Evil!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYUmLGDelRE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYUmLGDelRE)
-
The Simpsons
"There's Homer! [gun shot] There's Homer too! [gun shot] That's also Homer! [gun shot] That's Homer!" [gun shot]
[a mailman returns fire with an uzi]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQNMOGFI-Ks (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQNMOGFI-Ks)
[gun shot] "Thank you for coming! I'll see you in hell!" [gun shot]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUet1zeS9QQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUet1zeS9QQ)
-
The Expanse
"Come on Miller, give me something! You wanna a ride, you got it! But I can't give you one if I no longer have a ship!"
"If you go into a room too fast, kid... the room eats you."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI3aFpukQ9c (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI3aFpukQ9c)
-
X-Files
"Hex? That's really you under there Hex."
"I ain't under anything Arthur and I'm trying not to be insulted to your reaction to my true face. Look, would it be easier if I looked like this?" [the gray alien shape shifts into a hot blond but still has a man's voice]
"Would this be easier for you to handle? Hehehe!"
"No, this is even weirder."
"The bus leaves in 5--oh..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x8xFfsTZEI
-
Star Trek bloopers
"Captain, magnetic shields and- GOD JEUES!"
"That means you Mr. Worf, why are you sitting there?"
"Oh s**t!"
"Hahahaha!"
"You ever considered trying to f**k the program?... I didn't think so."
"I never played with boys--"
"Perhaps his reunification talks were suscessful."
"The what?"
"I can't say it!"
"Ready to engage voice?"
"Yeah."
"Admiral, I am receiving hail storms!"
"Angels and ministers of mercy, God help us all... to get through this scene."
"On behalf of all of us Mr. President, I have been authorize to plead not guilty... on the other hand, they have also authorize me to plead guilty, now I am confuse."
"That's good, keep rolling, keeping rolling! Ask him the question again, I like that. That was a good answer Bill. Ask him the question again, that's good stuff."
"Humpback nails."
"Well, nobody's perfect."
"... Oh yeah?"
"You're going to admit that tachyon ship beam, ship it down to the ship, and we'll ship it out of here."
"Here it goes."
"Hahahaha!"
"I'm on my way."
"Hahahaha!"
"Bring them back Q, now!"
"Or what? What? You'll ravish me? No, it's not ravish, I'm sorry."
"I might."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1Fmd-IQfBM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1Fmd-IQfBM)
-
Star Trek: The Next Generation bloopers
"We have found no sign of the intruder, but there's an open sugar lift--"
"Sugar lift?"
"What the hell is a sugar lift?"
"Danar has escaped, he used a fairy... it's his fault."
"He could be anywhere!"
"We believe he's trying-- admitting-- he-- wha..."
"Mmm... hehehehaha!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDT5ZRF5mqU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDT5ZRF5mqU)
-
X-Men: The Animated Series
"Identification error, nonliving objects. Begin tracking program."
"Monsieur Sentinel!"
"Imminent danger! Initiate booster roc--"[BOOM!]
"What is that object?"
"It appears to be the Ace of Spades." [BAM!]
"I am still plugged in!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5v2RdxYGqk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5v2RdxYGqk)
-
Spider-Man: The Anaimated Series
"Get back here Shocker! SHOCKKKKKKKKKKKER! You can't escape me! I'll chase you to the ends of the EARRRRRTH!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWRjsqoSWTI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWRjsqoSWTI)
-
The Simpsons
"I suppose I could just skip college and marry Milhouse."
"I know this is a fantasy, but I'll take it."
"Nah, forget it."
[Milhouse tries to hold on to the fantasy] "Nooo! I'll never be this happy again!"
http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season14/spelling33.mp3 (http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season14/spelling33.mp3)
-
It'll be alright late at Night - 11th July 1985 inc Commercials.
"You a**hole!"
[a horse is humping another one for the second time] "Not again!"
"One of the world's most eligible bastards."
"Toughened glass makes it safer."
"How tough is toughened glass?"
"This is a piece of toughened glass and I'll show with this hammer."
"Go on." [throws the hammer at the glass and breaks it easily]
"I am telling you if I were them I would be thinking twice about jumping right back into that Volvo of there's-- ouch!"
"If your not man enough to use birth control, your not old enough... f***, I'm sorry."
"Horrible Life Shampoo."
"Did he say why he committed suicide?"
"No, he was dead."
"Today's question of the day is what's the most important thing a pervert can give to their children-- a parent can give to their children?"
"He called you an a**hole and I agree with you, but he did not say your a f**king a**hole."
"Why do you always have to say that?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTBfD-oJrIE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTBfD-oJrIE)
-
Star Trek
"That's Garth, stun him!"
"Hold it Spock, that's Garth!"
"Look at me carefully, Spock. Can't you tell I'm your Captain?"
"Queen to queen's level three."
"I won't answer that. That's exactly what he wants to know."
"Very clever, Garth. That's exactly what I was going to say."
"What are you doing?"
"Arranging to beam down a security team. Are there any objections?"
"Yes. They may walk into a trap."
"That's right. Garth can destroy us."
"Fascinating. What maneuver did we use to defeat the Romulan vessel near Tau Ceti?"
"Very good, Spock. The Cochrane deceleration."
"Spock, you know the Cochrane deceleration's a classic battle maneuver. Every Starship Captain knows that."
"Agreed, Captain. Captains. Gentlemen, whichever one of you is Captain Garth must at this moment be expending a great deal of energy to maintain the image of Captain Kirk. That energy level cannot be maintained indefinitely, and I have time."
"I'm your Captain, Spock! Can't you tell? Shoot! Shoot!"
"He's right, Spock. You must shoot, but shoot both of us. It's the only way to ensure the safety of the Enterprise."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbENViWbu3w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbENViWbu3w)
-
The Simpsons
"It's my fault for leaving you in chard. Sometime I forgot how young you are."
"I'm only 3 months younger than you."
"Oh, look, you're getting cranky. You haven't had your juice."
"Well, my straw broke off in the carton-- that's not the point! We're supposed to be partners and your pushing me around like a playschool corn popper!"
"It's a vacuum cleaner Milhouse."
"Whatever! I demand respect! I have feelings, I'm a human boy! JUST! LIKE! YOU!"
"Shhhh! Use your indoor voice."
"Ok, that's it! AIEEEE!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdZuL_7diEU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdZuL_7diEU)
-
Liquid Television: The Specialists
"This is unbelievable, can anything stop this vicious madman?"
"Aren't you gonna tell the folks not to miss the next thrill-packed episode of The Specialists?"
"Sigh, what's the point?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15hs2V95YMg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15hs2V95YMg)
-
Phantom 2040
"A father's desperate sacrifice. A young boy survives to swear an oath: I swear to devote my life to the destruction of piracy, and injustice. My sons and their sons shall follow me. This is the legacy of my family. A vow handed down from father to son for over five-hundred years. Now, in the year 2040, I am The Ghost Who Walks. I am The Phantom."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJfbnObTEkw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJfbnObTEkw)
"The year is 2040. The place is Metropia. Here, a new hero prepares for action. The Man Who Cannot Die. The Ghost Who Walks. The Phantom. The Phantom's pledge: to fight evil and injustice wherever it may be found. In this future world, in this dying city, with the fate of the Earth and all humanity in the balance, The Phantom is there."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_EcQodt3jA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_EcQodt3jA)
-
Beetlejuice
"My turn to redecorate. Though I know I should be wary, still I venture some place scary. Ghostly haunting I turn loose. Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9HijiKVvKE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9HijiKVvKE)
-
The Simpsons
"Come on dad, you can make it."
"Oh, of course he'll make it, it's TV!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVN45AznEaE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVN45AznEaE)
-
The Storyteller - The Soldier and Death
"We have a visitor!"
"A guest."
"And he's whistling."
"That's a nice whistle, I want to have it!"
"Hello."
"Hello!"
"I hear you like a game of cards."
"Hahahahaha!"
"So, what shall we play for?"
"His soul?"
"His whistle."
"His teeth. I collect teeth."
"Fair enough, and what will you stake?"
"We've got 40 barrels of gold. Any good?"
"Very good."
"Is he cheating?"
"Well, I am and I'm still losing."
"Me, too."
"Deal again."
"Certainly."
And he did, and he won. And the devils got into the kind of fume only devils can get in. Fume! Fume! Fume! He won game after game while the devils cheated to high heaven and low hell, to no avail.
"Well, my friends I suppose we'd better call it a day."
"No, we will not! We will call it a breakfast and you the meal!"
"First make sure who eats whom. What do you call this?"
"It's a sack."
"A sake."
"Just a sack."
"Is it? Then, by the grace of God, get in it!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAyNkZ-ZQ0k (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAyNkZ-ZQ0k)
-
The Simpsons
"Hey, Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish, mind if I chew your ear?"
[BAM!]
"Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders."
"He was a zombie?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9Cm9QM9uFg
-
X-Files
"Can you die now?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_tG0xgaGzw
-
Star Trek Voyager
"What's the real reason you want me in that Matrix? Somehow I don't think it has anything to do with everlasting joy."
"Let me tell you this, we can stand here for all eternity, and I will never choose to go with you!"
"Go back to hell, coward!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghSq2qlwrs0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghSq2qlwrs0)
-
DELETE
-
Alice Cooper Staples Commercial
"I thought you said school's out forever."
"No, no, no, the song goes "school's out for summer", nice try though."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqI4xfsdv7Y (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqI4xfsdv7Y)
Marriott Commercial Alice Cooper
"Hey, when was your last family weekend? Go sightseeing, attend a ballgame, visit a theme park, you know, quality family time. You don't want your kids to grow up to be weirdo do you?"
"No."
"You have a great day."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HRclQ5ONFg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HRclQ5ONFg)
-
Vincent
"Vincent Malloy is seven years old, he's always polite and does what he's told. For a boy his age he's considerate and nice, but he wants to be just like Vincent Price."
"He doesn't mind living with his sister, dog and cats, though he'd rather share a home with spiders and bats. There he could reflect on the horrors he's invented, and wander dark hallways alone and tormented."
"He likes to experiment on his dog abercrombie in the hopes of creating a horrible zombie so he and his horrible zombie dog could go searching for victims in the London fog."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxQcBKUPm8o (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxQcBKUPm8o)
-
Pet Shop of Horrors
"Welcome to my pet shop, this is Chinatown, a mysterious place, where rare and valuable commodities are in a abundance. Tonight, you shall find something you desire. Are motto is to sell love, dreams and hope. Oh yes, before you leave with your new pet, please make sure to read all the sales terms, sign your name, in the event that any of these terms are breached, we cannot assume any responsibility for the consequences. But don't worry, this where the pet you buy, turns out to be everything you deserve."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqdfNY4Bo2g (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqdfNY4Bo2g)
-
X-Men: The Animated Series
"This will teach you to keep your paws off a lady!"
"The name is Gambit! Remember it!"
"Lightning, deliver this place from darkness!"
"Payback time!"
"You deny the future, so you shall not live to see it!"
"I warned you before to leave us alone!"
"I can't, I won't, the world needs--"
"What was that? I don't think I heard you right!"
"Must have you both, must use--"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swncjpqYkA8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swncjpqYkA8)
-
X-Men: The Animated Series
"Petite? This is no place for you... there you are Wolverine!"
"Tag, you're it. This game is over. Had enough, Cajun? Just say, "Oncle!""
"Don't worry, petite. You just hurt Wolverine's pride, that's all."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcfWu-uguk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcfWu-uguk)
-
The Storyteller - Hans My Hedgehog
"To the health of that most beautiful woman who could not keep her promise for one more day!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iK7bY-ROWY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iK7bY-ROWY)
-
Silicon Vally
Gilfoyle - f*** you...f*** you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmVgCB6sBZM
-
Dead at 21
"They're coming for you now so you hit the road with the only friend you have left. Starting today you have one year to figure out who made you, who's after you and how to stop them. Succeed and you live, fail and your... dead at 21."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEjRSMIUk8E (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEjRSMIUk8E)
-
Star Trek Voyager
"I've known fear. It's a very healthy thing most of the time. You warn us of danger, remind us of our limits, protect us from carelessness. I've learned to trust fear."
"You know as well as I do that fear only exists for one purpose. To be conquered."
"What will become of us? Of me?
"Like all fear, you eventually vanish.
"I'm afraid."
"I know."
"Drat."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYwEaBu6lfQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYwEaBu6lfQ)
-
BEST NEWS BLOOPERS 80s and 90s
"and Channel 6 got that bulls**t."
"I'm in my ass."
"So that person may have open a whole new worm of cans."
"People can't seem to resist touching it, it's cold and wet and surprisingly smooth."
"Five minutes huh?"
"Surprise."
"One thing money can’t buy is yo mamma, she's for free and everyone knows it."
"Hey how do I know Connie?"
"The heat is making me as wet as the thunder showers, I think that applies to all of us."
"Take a look at these tasty goodies."
"WHAT IN THE F**K ARE WE DOING HERE?! HELL I DON'T KNOW!"
"Stealing up to 200 dollars worth of cow manure."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMfpZqXrqKU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMfpZqXrqKU)
-
News Bloopers – Freudian Slips
"You may have a hard time getting in some of the titties"
"I would love to see my meat in your mouth"
"Here's some of great town names, the Tits"
"You love doing it yourself"
"Sometimes, yeah, I can"
"Last week titter set"
"Leonardo Dicrap"
"Jeremy C***t"
"A bulging d**k"
"Lets go back to the hoes"
"to catch porn pirates"
"California is farting"
"DD Mega Doodoo"
"I was originally going to come in-between her legs"
"Where the family will be shi**ing"
"Pick a d**k"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC_jWznPbaA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC_jWznPbaA)
-
Sheer Elegance Pantyhose (1990)
♪She's got leeeeegs
Ooh, she knows to use them
Sheer elegance legs
She knows how to chose them♪
"Some women live in sheer elegance, the pantyhose that looks and feels like real silk from L'Oreal."
♪Well I want her
I've got to have her
She's got leeeeegs♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiNYF7fbDKc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiNYF7fbDKc)
-
News Blooper via a hack. LOL
Captain Sum Ting WongWi To LoHo Lee FukBang Ding Ow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8COo-QsIXm4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8COo-QsIXm4)
-
XBox "Water Balloons"
♪If you go down in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise
If you go down in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise!
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain
Because today's the day the
Teddy Bears have their picnic
Every Teddy Bear who's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of marvelous things to eat
And wonderful games to play
Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
'Cause that's the way the
Teddy Bears have their picnic♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd1fFVNkV5w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd1fFVNkV5w)
-
House
"That better be her!"
Audience [Gasps]
"Rachel Cuddy you were suppose to be home half an hour ago."
"Don't blame me, he's the one wouldn't run any red lights."
Audience [Laughter]
"The mouth on that kid makes Mel Gibson sound like Nelson Mandela, where she learn that?"
Audience [Cheering]
"I don't know why your here, but I didn't do it."
"What's the problem officer?"
"She was shoplifting down at the mall."
Audience [Sad]
"Are either of you this girl's father?"
"Nope! But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write off. Officer you have my word it won't happen again... because next time, she won't get caught."
Audience [Cheering and Laughter]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49bTK14kZgo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49bTK14kZgo)
-
House
♪Forget your troubles
Come on get happy
You better chase all you cares away
Shout halleluja
Come on get happy
Get ready for the judgement day♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X56GPTpgm04 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X56GPTpgm04)
-
House
"I've dealt with worse, being different you get use to people's idiocy. Sure beats the hell out of actually being an idiot. [House smiles] What?"
"Care to go for a spin?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osOLmUaL6ck (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osOLmUaL6ck)
-
The Paul Hogan Show
"What do you do all day anyhow?"
"I've been doing my job, I kill pirates."
Old Jungle saying - 'The Phantom is sworn to stamp out piracy.'
"Killing pirates, there haven't been any pirates around here for 50 years."
"Yes, I know, effective aren't I."
"Phantom is a smart alec"
"We've been married 6 months now and you still haven't taken off that mask."
"Well you know the old Jungle saying."
"He who looks upon the Phantom's face must die!"
"I know but the mask is attached to the costume and you haven't taken off that off for 6 months ithere."
"He who smells the Phantom's armpit will surely die!"
"Avon ladies are low in calories, high in protein!"
"Mandrake is a drag!"
"Mandrake is a f**?"
"Next Week - Will Devil repeat on the Phantom?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8zu1_EoBxQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8zu1_EoBxQ)
-
The Paul Hogan Show
From Rome, movie capital of the world, comes Dino Gorgonzola's masterpiece, A Fistful Of Ravioli. Staring Clunk Eastwood as Dirty Giusseppe. [snaps his fingers and his horse lays down] Dirty Giusseppe just may be the toughest hombre of all time. [spits and kills a rattlesnake]
Maybe... he's learned to survive in a wasteland. [the shark from Jaws appears and he shoots it and pulls out a 10 Fish Finger TV dinner]
"Haha, so you wish to challenge the son of Hercules." [bad lip sync] [shoots him and the sound effect is off] "Cheap trick!" [more bad lip sync]
Yes, Clunk Eastwood, in his finest performance. The reunion with his mother will tear at your heart.
"I'm standing!"
"Yeah, on my foot, fatso." [pushes her and shoots her]
You'll cheer him on as he takes on all comers. [fights Rocky and shoots him]
You'll applaud his resourcefulness. [burns a guy's face to light his cigar and shoots him]
His fearest love of one woman will touch your very soul.
♪The hills are alive with the sound of music♪ [shoots her]
"I asked for Sophia Loren." [shoots the director and shoots his horse]
A Fistful Of Ravioli, one of the truly great movies of this--[shoots the narrator and shoots the audience]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNv-k5rSGPE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNv-k5rSGPE)
-
It'll Be Alright On The Night
"What's your favorite possession?"
"Position?"
"Possession."
"You've played Beauregard Maverick, Ivanhoe, and now the Saint, you've been through plenty of actresses in your time."
"You can't say that!"
"Well if you just joined us, you missed it."
"Are you peckish?"
"No, I'm Turkish."
"Please take this f**king rain away."
"Your Swedish is amazing."
"Oh, wrong show!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auNXpFmj9U8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auNXpFmj9U8)
"Hi mum!"
"Hi mum?"
"Hello darling, mommy... mommy's very tired now!"
"And if we can get that feedback into the studio off I think it will be better to put the news across."
"...and he just ran over my foot."
"I'm being filmed you great pillock!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNqB_t__AqM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNqB_t__AqM)
-
The Simpsons
"Wait, did you know that there's a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity? Think about it."
"I will."
"No, you won't."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IYaftepO-s (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IYaftepO-s)
-
Rebel Media
"China is assh*le!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3tnH4FGbd0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3tnH4FGbd0)
-
Garfield: His 9 Lives
"6 must my lucky number because that's the life I fell in love with music, I also fell in love with a girl who played the piano just for me."
"Some time during the night, Diana manga to get down on the keyboard, she lay down, put her face on her folded paws and quietly passed away. It was Diana's testament to her love for my music. Would you like me to play something for you Patches? [cat groans]... it's just as well."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efW7buQYQMg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efW7buQYQMg)
-
The Little House
"Once upon a time, there a little house, on a little hill, way out in the country."
"If only I could go with them." "Thought the little house, but of course she couldn't, come what may, she had to stand her ground."
"Well, there's one thing about prepossess, it always... progresses."
"Yes, get it over with, I'm just in the way, no good to anybody. But land sakes, I shouldn't complain, I've had a very full life, for a house and we all have to go sometime."
"It wasn't the end after all, it was just a beginning, oh it took a little time and a lot of fixing but all that really mattered was that she found someone, or rather, they’d found her. Someone to love and cherish her. Someone who knew that the best place to find peace and happiness is in a little house, on a little hill, way out in the country."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y881yjtFluQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y881yjtFluQ)
-
Toyota
♪I love what you do for me TOYOTA!♪ [freeze frame jump]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjkQYAzGBuE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjkQYAzGBuE)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOzOYDi8KtY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOzOYDi8KtY)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHBhUP0AK3A (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHBhUP0AK3A)
-
Star Trek: TNG
"Sir, the purpose of this gathering... confuses me."
"Oh, how so?"
"My thoughts are not for Tasha, but for myself, I keep thinking how empty it will be without her presence. Did I miss the point?"
"...No you didn't Data, you got it."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY3nY8SAnXs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY3nY8SAnXs)
-
Star Trek: TNG
"Here's to you, lads!"
"Constitution class."
"Aye. You're familiar with them?"
"There's one in the Fleet museum, but then of course, this is your Enterprise."
"I actually served on two. This was the first. She was also the first ship I ever served on as Chief Engineer. You know, I served aboard eleven ships. Freighters, cruisers, starships, but this is the only one I think of. The only one I miss."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTOP1BezOB8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTOP1BezOB8)
-
The Simpsons
"I'm happy!"
"What the hell is this?"
♪I will always be true, spend my days pitching woo to you♪
"Ugh, he's been singing for 2 hours."
"This couldn't have less to do with Christmas. And I think that's a stagehand."
♪And I love you, too. I am you and you are you. Oh, you and me, together you can see.♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os7jCGHdWnA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os7jCGHdWnA)
-
The Simpsons
"As long as everybody's here, let's party!"
♪Any way you want it
That's the way you need it
Anyway you want it♪
"Who's playing that music?"
"And where is all that liquor coming from?"
"It's a party Marge, doesn't have to make sense."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzyihCwqd_A (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzyihCwqd_A)
-
Wow, I actually have one for this thread. This line cracks me up, its from The Mandalorian.
"I have spoken."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dumA6TvyoRU
-
Spitting Image
"Paul, are you listening to me?"
♪Listening to me
Are you listening to me?♪
"Still can't think of an idea?"
♪Still can't think of an idea
No, no, no♪
"You can't keep on turning everything I say into lyrics!"
♪Don't you it's wrong
To turn everything that I say into a song♪
"Paul! Why do you bother, you don't need any more money?"
♪Don't need any money
Don't need any cash
Don't need any bread now♪
"Shut-up! Shut-up! You never use to be like this, only seems like yesterday where all my troubles were so far away."
"That's it, that's it!"
"What?"
♪Yesterday, you never use to be like this
You never use to be like that♪
"Alright, I give up, do your own chips."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0f5-WMSY-I (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0f5-WMSY-I)
-
Spitting Image
"Wait, I have idea for a brand new movie."
"Can you believe this guy?"
"Tell us, what's the movie gonna be called?"
"It's gonna be called, Rocky V."
"Syl, tell me, what's it's about?"
"It's about a guy called Rocky...
"Yeah? Yeah?"
"...Balboa."
"What's he gonna be doing this time?"
"Boxing."
"What happens in the end, I mean you gotta come up with a top class ending to do justice to an idea like that?"
"Rocky wins."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va1tA0B0sXI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va1tA0B0sXI)
-
News Bloopers
"Edith Birds**ts"
"I'm Lynne Rubber"
"I'm Lynne Ravel"
"Hey, how do I know Connie?"
"The people of Detroit have shined, as much as the shi**y-- city has"
"Plastic di**s-- discs have soared"
"Here's a black c**k helicopter"
"The f**k are you doing?!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRhBpF978Us (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRhBpF978Us)
-
The Simpsons
"Guess it's just us and the tumbleweed."
https://tv.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/10eb2b19-2b2d-4b08-b3d7-927a99d6df11 (https://tv.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/10eb2b19-2b2d-4b08-b3d7-927a99d6df11)
-
MADtv - Sopranos
"I don't give a fu--!"
"You know what I don't need this sh--!"
"You want some gabagool? Why don't you get it from one of ya little Russian whoo--!"
"Tell you what, why don't you stop breaking my bal--!"
"I didn't have anger at her alright, I hated that bi--!"
"--ch! F--!"
"getting better things to do than sitting around here all day, yaking about my motherfu--!"
"See you next week."
"I'm not talking to him, he's a fu--!"
"Hey, watch your fu--!"
"You are a racist fu--!"
"Over here dating' a motherfu--! Into my house! You just try it! You bring that motherfu--!"
"We don't have any gabagool ok, so shut the fu--!"
"Alright, alright already, whatta gotta break my bal--!"
"Fu--"
"Fu--"
"Fu--"
"Fu--"
"Fu--"
"Fu--"
"Fu--"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqE7ZxH7BJE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqE7ZxH7BJE)
-
ジョン・トラボルタ タカラ缶チューハイＣＭＶｏｌ、２
"Tokyo drink!" ;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUvd29F7hlo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUvd29F7hlo)
-
Arnold Schwarzenegger Go West Japanese Coffee Ad
:coolsmiley: "Go West!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi-FA6cDqYU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi-FA6cDqYU)
-
Sylvester Stallone /Japanese CM シルベスタースタローン ＴＶコマーシャル
"We can make dreams come true... together."
"In my life... love... courage... and [holds up Kirin Can Beer]... together."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EnFSwVV-c4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EnFSwVV-c4)
-
Arnold Schwarzenegger Japanese Commercial 2
"Yosh!"
"Hahahahaha!" :2funny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSZNIzWnI6Y (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSZNIzWnI6Y)
-
タカラ canチューハイ
♪Got my motivation
Work in your direction
Just a give a single tonight
Give a single tonight
Waiting for the green light
Waiting for the green light
Waiting for the green light
Waiting for the green light♪
"Tokyo drink!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyGpK1RO9J8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyGpK1RO9J8)
-
"Impossible means try again." Alec Lightwood, Shadowhunters Season 1
Don't have a clip but there is some montage on youtube, should be able to find it.
-
Star Trek: TNG
"Riker you didn't answer me, who sent you here to look for me?"
"Your mother, she's worried about you."
"Tell me about your ship Riker, it's the Enterprise isn't it?"
"No, the name of my ship is the Lollipop."
"I have no knowledge of that ship."
"It's just been commissioned, it's a good ship."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_XjXeWyfxM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_XjXeWyfxM)
-
The Twilight Zone
"The word that Mrs. Bronson is unable to put into the hot, still, sodden air is doomed, because the people you've just seen have been handed a death sentence. One month ago, the Earth suddenly changed its elliptical orbit and in doing so began to follow a path which gradually, moment by moment, day by day, took it closer to the sun. And all of man's little devices to stir up the air are now no longer luxuries—they happen to be pitiful and panicky keys to survival. The time is five minutes to twelve, midnight. There is no more darkness. The place is New York City and this is the eve of the end, because even at midnight it's high noon, the hottest day in history, and you're about to spend it in the Twilight Zone."
"........."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li0u15qkQhw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li0u15qkQhw)
-
The Simpsons
"Where's Otis he's not in his cell?"
"I shot him."
"Well that's--WHAT?!"
"Now I'm going down to Emmett's Fixit shop... to fix Emmett."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUgKUspKisY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUgKUspKisY)
-
The Critic
"Hahahaha!"
"Robin what's so funny?"
"I don't know, I wasn't listening! Hahahaha!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KD--kw3Uys (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KD--kw3Uys)
-
The Simpsons
"Oh Rhett! Rhett! Oh Rhett, where will I go? What'll I do?"
"Frankly my dear [I love you, let's remarry!]"
The End
Edited For Seniors
"They cut out the best word!"
"Didn't that movie use to have a war in it?"
"Come on, you've been warned."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhiOAFE64M4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhiOAFE64M4)
-
Iron Man: The Animated Series
♪I... I am... I am Iron Man! I am Iron Man! I am Irrrrrrrooooon Maaaaaaaaan!♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y63i2NR9-LE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y63i2NR9-LE)
-
The Simpsons
♪What would you do if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
I will try not to sing out of key
Oh, baby I get by (Ah, with a little help from my friends)
All I need is my buddies (Ah, with a little help from my friends)♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3c3xQuIk9c (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3c3xQuIk9c)
-
The Twilight Zone: The Obsolete Man
"You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace."
"A lie, no man is obsolete!"
"I am nothing more than a reminder to you that you cannot destroy truth by burning pages!"
"I don't care! I tell you I don't care! I'm human being, I exist! And if I speak one thought aloud that thought lives, even after I'm shovelled into my grave!"
"The Chancellor, the late Chancellor, was only partly correct. He was obsolete, but so was the State, the entity he worshiped. Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of man, that state is obsolete."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3quruHpcuo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3quruHpcuo)
-
Star Trek Deep Space Nine
"Think of it. Just four of us, and look at the havoc we've wrought."
"Four is more than enough. We're smarter than solids. We're better than you. And most importantly, we do not fear you the way you fear us. In the end, it's your fear that will destroy you."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsCevg1Vuc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsCevg1Vuc)
-
Unsolved Mysteries
"Tonight's cases features ordinary people, thrust into a vortex of mystery, heartbreak and intrigue. Each one is searching for that vital clue, to end a story that so far has no ending. Perhaps you can help, join me, you may be able to help solve a mystery."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WEY25G5lbk
-
Funniest NEWS Interruptions!!!!
"Don't bring liquor here."
"You're on private property! F**k!"
"Meow! Ruff! Ruff! Meow! Meow! Oik! Oik!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGhswJMksTQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGhswJMksTQ)
-
News blooper
"Well I don't know why he's talking to a tree."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSICOM0sru4
-
X-Files
"My God, Scully. It's as if he's been frightened to death."
"Again, Scully, nothing but evidence... and again, no evidence at all."
"The print-outs received in the transmission indicate contact with another lifeform and yet I cannot see them. Even if I could see them, would they really be there? How do I know this isn’t some classified military satellite? These transmissions are from the Voyager, for God’s sake. Could extraterrestrials really have intercepted them? Or is this just some elaborate joke played on those who want to believe? I was sent here by one of those people. Deep Throat said "Trust no one." And that’s hard, Scully... suspecting everyone, everything. It wears you down. You even begin to doubt what you know is the truth. Before, I could only trust myself. Now, I can only trust you... and they’ve taken you away from me. My life up to this point has been about the need to see her again. To see them. But what would I do if they really came?"
[rewinds his tape recorder and plays it] "I was sent here by one of those people. Deep Throat said "Trust no one."
"TRUST NO ONE"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cxsp9ZKQK9I (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cxsp9ZKQK9I)
-
Batman: The Animated Series
♪Jingle Bells
Batman Smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got awwwwwway♪
♪Crashing through the roof, in a one horse open tree
Busting out I go, laughing all the wheeeeeee♪
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Veju4PxhuGc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Veju4PxhuGc)
-
Liquid Television: Disembodied Head Guy's monologue
"I'm in my car, I'm high on decongestants and I'm driving anywhere. I end up on a bunch of squalid little dietitians somewhere in Vegas, maybe Reno, maybe Tahoe, I donna know... but there she is, I can't tell if she's a human or fifth-generation gynemorphic android, and I don't care. She moves closer to me. At this range the downy cilia-like hairs that trickle from her navel remind me of the fractal ferns produced by injecting dyed water into an aqueous polymer solution, and I tell her so. She looks into my eyes: "You have the glibness, superficial charm, grandiosity, lack of guilt, shallow feelings, impulsiveness, and lack of realistic long-term plans that excite me right now, she says."
"Moving even closer, I begin to kiss her, but she turns her head away. Don't good little boys that finish all their vegetables get desert I ask?"
"I can't kiss you, we're monozygotic replicates, we share 100% of our genetic material."
"I open shirt exposing my the device which I had stuck in a waistband of my black jeans."
"How you get that thing she gasps ogling it's thick fiber reinforced plastic barrel and oozy biotech logo embossed on the magazine which held two cartridges of gelatin recombinant DNA. I got it for Christmas, do you have any last words before I scramble your chromosomes I say taking aim. Yes she says, you first."
"Ohhh! Liquid Television! Ohhh!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8le4_KrK5M (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8le4_KrK5M)
-
The Simpsons
"It's been done."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eb1viD56zkM
-
Comix Zone
"Hand me the sacred spice, mutant."
"Take it, but leave my ultra vision goggles, I cannot survive without them."
So you want to live in a comic book?
"Greetings puny mortals, mmmm!"
Welcome to the Comix Zone, slay fiendish villains that get drawn back in, page by hellish page. You'll feel right at home."
"From the darkness of the oven, the slay beast!"
"We will live another day!"
Comix Zone, only for Sega Genesis
"SEAG!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uIbLUItGTQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uIbLUItGTQ)
-
In Living Color - Lean on me Beautiful
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen! I am Joe Clark, I am your new principal! Now when I point to you, I want you all to line up, you! You! You! You! You! And you! And you! Line up now! Expeditiously! Now I want you all to take a good look at them, take a good look at these mutants, these are the ugliest kids in the class! They have no place here, I want you all to home to your ugly parents right now! Get on outta here! Hurry up, move on! You too buzzer!"
"This is an outrage, you can't talk to my students this way, I'm going to the school superintendent!"
"Well go on then, and let the door hit you on the big paddy butt!"
"Why I never!"
"I bet you have not!"
"Now, what makes you think you can be a beautician? Huh? What makes you think you can give beauty tips to somebody? Look at yourself, your ugly boy! Is your parents ugly?"
"Yes!"
"Well your gonna grow up to look just like them! If you've got ugly parents you might as well jump out the window! Do you use chemicals in your hair?!"
"No!"
"Do you use chemicals in your hair?!"
"Yeah!"
"Now you've got a bad perm and your ugly!"
"Mr. Clark! I think it is a disgrace to what you've done to do those children! I can see why they call you Crazy Joe, you are an egotist and a demigod!"
"She used to call me crazy Joe, now she just called me batman!"
"No, Joe! Joe, no, Joe! There's been a mistake, you weren't suppose to come to Wilford Beauty School, you were suppose to go to Wilford Central High School. You have to go Joe."
"But I got so much more to break up."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4myTpnDEirs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4myTpnDEirs)
-
The Simpsons
"Groan"
"Hey man, if the line's this long it's gotta be good."
[Complaints]
"Get bent."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhWHr6om1Ps
-
.38 Ambush Alley
It's solid action when you join the recruits on the target range. Targets appear everywhere, the stakes are high because you never know who's lurking in the shadows.
"Behind you!"
Innocent civilians or dangerous felons? You'll need you to be sure before you shoot, some targets move quickly while others pop up from nowhere. It's tense, it's action packed, it's... .38 Ambush Alley
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOXHp1Q4wQo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOXHp1Q4wQo)
-
The Blue Thunder Patrol
Grab your flight gear and join in on the action with the Blue Thunder Portal. The city has been attacked by terrorist and it's up to you and your team leader to pursue and destroy the enemy. Enjoy the thrill of air to air combat as our specially equipped Blue Thunder helicopters encounter camouflage Hueys and enemy MiGs in a fight fight over LA. The fighting is fast and furious, but you must take out the terrorist without hitting your team leader, are you ready for the challenge? Find out when you join the Blue Thunder Patrol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gDeWsygP6U (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gDeWsygP6U)
-
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
"We're both in America, which used to be a good country, until they started lettin' people like you do whatever you want."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKXbk7yQG4s
-
X-Files
ALL DONE. BYE BYE.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVAq4NG21IE